A day without ballet class

Up and active for 20 hours. I think it is only fair, I am well tired now! I woke up at 5 again this morning, and of course.. couldn't get myself to go back to sleep again, knowing I could become a better dancer, if I got up to do my exercises.

I am watching Giselle, the ballet on dvd. I only interrupted it with this for a second, because I really wanted to share this day with you all, and I know I will be drifting off soon - without me noticing.

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I went to school to practise ballet all for myself a whole hour. I had one of the best mornings in my life. One bar in the middle of the room. huge mirrors, no one else. But my joy and love for the dance filled up the room and so much more. I am getting better and better each day, and it is such a joy!

I really missed not having a single dance class today though.. there weren't even any extra classes to take.. and if there was I wouldn't have been able to prioritize it, because I had classes from 9-7.

Today was a strange feeling though, as if I didn't feel complete without dance classes.
It's just like when I was in high school from 8-4 every day, just wait sitting by the edge of my chair, waiting to get out of there and sing.
Now, it's like all the classes that weren't dance today seemed much longer.
I missed flying.
But I will work on getting that feeling back into my singing too. Man - then I'll just be in heaven every second of my school day and life.
The way I've been working this past week really did strike me.

-Waking up at 5, always urging to do more, dancing the streets of Manhattan with my ear phones on. And seriously.. I just did the plank for 7 minutes with no break. Whatt?! Jumping from 4 minutes to that, is pretty awesome. My family knows how hard it is, because I've been forcing them to join me in it as often as I could back home.. screaming "squeeze your tummy and bum!! Don't fall down!".

I just did the full 1 hour stretch and work-out after coming back from swimming. :)

I've been so eager this past week that it seems I have forgotten food and sleep. I am not encouraging myself not to eat ;).. but I must admit I have only remembered to eat, when I reminded myself I should - I just haven't felt hungry, because there were so many other and much bigger feelings going on. And as for sleeping at 11/12 at night, after watching all of my ballet dvd's to then wake up at 5 .. I am not saying it's a habit I will be doing for the full semester.

I thought about this in the train on my way to swimming 50 laps straight after school.. there are specific things that keep humans alive. Sleep, food and joy. Maybe love, but I think having a slice of joy in your life would add up to not feeling loved.
And obviously I need to remember to listen to my body when it needs rest, but I finally understand how much further you can go when you have joy in what you do.

The first semester was hard - really hard! And I thought about .. and dreaded those thoughts about quitting or taking a break at times too. I was miserable and tired, quite frankly because I kept fighting with myself.
But all is part of the process, and I am proud of every step.

God, the small steps are beautiful when you look down at your feet and not just forward towards the goal.
It also made me think; the more I embrace each step, the more I think I can grow.. because I am aware of what I am capable of now. And if I only look at my steps now, then my goal can be anything.. even much bigger than it originally was.

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