Ok; this is really awkward…… I am sitting in the dark, in a theatre watching a play… and I have clocked out.. I really can’t do it… it’s SO boring.
It was a spontaneous pick that I chose, because I felt the need to see something else than just Broadway or off-Broadway, whatever…. It’s interesting, there are really some parts of this weird piece of art that made me stop and think.. but I don’t get the purpose of it. More importantly, WHY am I here??!
I don’t know what the heck this is.
A play about the effect of absinth. It is so abstract and boring that it make me sad.
I just want to go home and sleep and actually find my inner hope and smile again.
Probably take a bath before sleeping. I want chocolate and good tea. And I want to get rid of my bad mood. I am still affected by hearing my work is shit only few days ago.. and the numerous times I’ve had a voice inside of me saying that I maybe shouldn’t be doing this, because I’m not good enough.
I wish I could talk to my grandma.
I miss my family.
I need to be with people who really love me.
In a way Kerrie here is my family. We expect to spend the coming holidays together if there are no other plans for us.
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I feel like time is standing still right now, I can’t even…..
“Don’t fly too close to the sun, your wings will burn off” – that’s the only text I took with me from the play so far, being now halfway through it)… I don’t know what it means.. but in some ways, it excited me and scares me at the same time; this saying.
I like it now, there’s a sound of the rain onstage. It’s chilling and refreshing. And I so love the autumn chill at the moment, did I tell you?
I don’t know why, it’s like the wind keeps me alive and clean – I can’t explain it. Is that a thing you have when you grow up?
Did anyone else find this?
Now, this play is really pissing me off (excuse my language), no really yes, it is because it couldn’t be that thing, the simple piece of inspiration that I exactly needed at the moment. I need something to inspire me and remind me of what I’m doing here. Not just NY… but like here for performing. At the moment I don’t have that thirst and drive and belief in myself and my dream. I need to watch proper storytelling.
Something that makes me forget the stage is just pretend. I need to be drawn onto the stage. Something that raises my soul away from the audience seat and reaches towards the stage, with such a devotional yearn to be a part of the story onstage.
So yes… actually this was just a quick update.. obviously.. I will start writing about this past semester soon.. seeing that it will end in a week… wow… woaw…!
Just for now, right here in this moment, I had nothing else to do but write, though.
I am SO bored.
I have not been so bored in years. This would be a form of torture actually.. and the play takes place in the basement of the theatre building… it’s like a place you could go into hiding.
You never know; maybe I’ll never be let out of here. Maybe that’s the big surprise that changes this big experience to the otherwise expected memorable piece.
Jeez, but no I rather just get to my bed soon.
I need to let out some anger. Like really do. I need to punch something.
Scattered thoughts.
Being aware of this, I still can’t even gather them and try t make sense of it. What do you gather from it?
A good story?
Depression?
I am planning to go on camping with Kerrie, or take a train trip. It could be wonderful. We both need to get away for just a few days. It could be sweet.
Just talking, peace, cuddles, board games (actually I take that back, because Kerrie is crazy competitive and I take loosing to a crazy winner very personal).
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I think everyone in this play took something… like seriously strong and weird. It’s like drunks playing around with ‘it’.
Wow, they are crazy….. I can’t even….
If I fell asleep in this theatre, and woke up for the next day’s performance, I would be the unhappiest person on this planet. In fact I might take something for myself, had I not been able to write out this insane conflict in my mind.
Oh gosh…. I sense we are drawing near the end. Now I shall look forward to a 40 minute walk home.
Here is another good thing I took from the play…. They say “Forgive the pain. .. and what happened in the past, what you did wrong and regret.” The pain is too painful.
And you know what, they are right.. I forgive them for delivering such a shit script.
It’s a good idea, just not worth watching. Life is short.. but we are all just trying to figure out life. Especially us actors. I forgive them.
So now I will go in peace. Later tonight, I will work on forgiving the pain that I sometimes give myself because I am weak at forgiving myself.
Lol, it’s so ironic, not they speak of second chances.. yeah, I’ll give them a second chance as actors. They’ll find their moment of shine.. just like I am searching for mine.
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