Sitting in my bed to Pandora’s Christian music radio. “Finding myself at a loss for words”, an artist sings.
And that’s exactly how I feel. What to say after being stuck so long? It’s so hard to get good words on paper, I feel. But at the same time, I feel such a release by touching the keyboard, just typing nothing to begin with. It feels right and I am so happy to be able to share again.
I have so missed expressing myself on paper. And that goes for songs too. I have had a few really great ideas I just haven’t made the time or felt good enough to finally compose something. The keys on the piano sounded the same for a long time.
Some weeks ago I wrote a simple lyrics, which turned out to be a beautiful catching tune.
I am having trouble uploading mp3’s here on my blog.. but perhaps I will find someone who can help me record it soon, so I can publish it on my page. I called the song ‘Deliver’, and it goes like this:
“Let loose, it’s just a phase,
I used to trust that phrase,
Remain empty as the promise overflows,
Weeping as I find that it shows.
The piano use to have all the colors of the rainbow,
Now it’s ink spilled on snow,
The girl next door has a sense of spring,
But I can’t deliver anything.
Deliver,
Deliver,
Deliver,
I don’t feel at home.
So I’ll try this phrase again,
But I’m lost by every downfall,
It shouldn’t matter at all,
My stories they seem wrong and all the chords here have been told,
But my soul is getting old.
Deliver,
Deliver,
Deliver,
I need to go home.”
- The song to me is about sitting by the piano and trying to compose again, but in the end not getting anything out of it. The promise of always delivering and being artistic and sharing and expressing myself – made because I hunger for it and know I am very good at it; it’s where I fit in best… it’s so hard when you don’t have inspiration or feel good enough.. and yet you just have to keep on writing. That’s the most important thing for a writer – any kind – never stop writing, even though it’s just silly words on paper or help repeated over and over again… keep writing!
*
Aww. the songs I’ve written only a few weeks back are so beautiful. Many of my teachers have heard them and love them. One of is a musical theatre composer who has been spreading the word about me. And has been talking about competitions for upcoming composers for next year, another has added one of my songs to his play list for the yoga classes he teaches. I feel proud and happy. I actually REALLY want to try to send some to the radio stations or take use of some of my Broadway contacts and ask for help with recording. I’m sure there’s something I could do about it, without having to sign a million dollar contract and recording it in a studio. There’s a lot of people who have home equipment.
I’ll just share a few of my favorite lyrics. Melody for me, for these songs, have been the most magic part.. but some of the lyrics do really stand out on their own.
From ‘A great story’:
“Unloving you is a place that doesn’t exist,
even in stories I know there’s no place like it,
see; that would mean fairy tales speak true,
as I proved them not to do when I lost you.
We were a great story,
If only someone had written it down,
If so, would you re-read it?
Would I still be made the clown?
I need a great story to tell my children one day,
Those tiny miracles that you’d wanted with me,
Guess that’s why I’ve started composing – for me,
So I don’t wait for another pretend-story to fill me.”
*
A sky in return:
“When you look out at the view
No matter where you are,
There seems to be a faded line between the purest sky
And the ground that’s all tangled with us.
I’m tangled with desires and needs,
Fighting till it bleeds,
For some reason I never learn,
What would I do without a sky in return?
When we’re hard to handle
No matter where we are,
There’ll always that shade of freedom on the pallet of our world
So untangle only to tangle again.
I’m tangled with my wants and dreams,
For what it seems
For some reason I never learn
What would I do without seeing the sky in return?
So I’ll dream all over
And loose more for sure
And even stronger I’ll do my best to win some more,
And I’ll learn to love the tangles for me.
I’m tangled with all smiles and hearts,
That’s where it all starts,
For some reason I never learn,
What would I do without a sky in return?”
*
From ‘Wonderer’:
When did I loose my voice?
Was it any chance by choice?
Someone should be able to find me,
Or am I entirely what you found in me?
Wonderer,
Once more it’s your day,
Try again to brush him away,
When will you get that the first time you were loved,
The first time one kissed you soft,
Is only really thoughts away.
And they’ll always stay.”
*
My friend is coming over now, so I’d better go. I can’t wait to get back to more writing..
Anyways, she’s already here, and I want to give her cuddles.
Toodles.
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