The best song from my heart in 4 months

I am sitting here in my room.. Sunday night late.. at 11 pm, and I'm working intensively with the text to my showcase song 'Journey to the past'. I am working on creating a clear moment before (what happens just before I sing the song, and what is it that motivates me to sing it, why do I have to sing it RIGHT NOW..).
I have created an amazing journey for this song.
- The journey is simple, but awesome beyond all. It's my journey here.
In fact the journey of million words and feelings that I felt when I looked out the window on the first day of my new life here - waking up to the breathtaking and at the same time intimidating sight of New York City.

More than that, I won't say. I hope some of you can see my showcase. .. If not live, then maybe on film.

.. But as I sat there in great inspiration, my eye suddenly struck something that had been otherwise visibly hung up on the shelf above my desk.
It's a note cut out in a heart that I wrote to myself about 6 months ago:

"Jasmin, after 4 years of effort and hard work.

You are going to New York City to attend New York Film Academy.

You did it!

You reached your goal."

And I stopped for a second and thought.


..........................

Where on EARTH have I been?

That indescribable, uncontrollable, amazingly, breathtakingly, adoring eagerness.
What have I been doing when I didn't have that eagerness?

.. Well that, fortunately, I think I can answer for myself.. and if you scroll back the almost 60 other posts, I am sure you will realize that my months on Manhattan have been packed and packed and packed till I almost exploded.

You know, I just think to myself now.. that I have never stopped living in the dream. If this was the roughest patch, I am sure lucky to have realized my goal again already.

But maybe not goal.. my life has always been about setting goals.
I remember just before leaving, I said.. now my goal is to win an Oscar!
My mum said.. now now.. slow down and just start one place.
I am not sure if she didn't think I had the potential to win an Oscar :p...
...but I am thinking that after the recommendation from my acting teacher at New York Film Academy, which I just received.. I don't doubt that I could keep on shooting for the stars like that.

So to keep my thought rolling from where it started.. maybe my focus should for now not be to set goals, but to live in the goal. Focus on what I have achieved.
Which. in fact. is. a lot!
I am pretty tough now that I think of it. And looking back now on the journey I have been through, over these past 4 months, I am quite proud of myself.
And you all should be ;)

I am learning so much.

This weekend I have been listening to my favorite musicals .. and new ones.. non stop, the butterflies for my showcase have started to fill my tummy, I have stretched and danced, sung Les Mis for Josephine - who gave me the full piano score as a Christmas gift (<3), seen an amazing award-winning movie with Meryl Streep and Julia Roberts, danced the streets of NY to Mamma Mia music, walked through Times Square imagining I was heading to work in one of the theatres and polished my application to final funds - which look promising.
That's eagerness.

I actually felt like this weekend was my first REAL weekend. I got to recharge, see friends and have fun, while still getting my chores and hmw done. (but that being said, it does make sense that I had time for friends, since I only have showcase to prepare for).

I know this eagerness came from lots of prayers from friends, and I am so happy.
I feel more settled somehow.
I look forward to learning more and more and more in my second semester.
I know I will find a lot of inspiration and I can't wait to give it even more.
I will be the best. of me.

With eagerness and a lot more rest... the best of me is SO much more than what it was this semester.
I can go so far, once I can give it my all.
I'd say I was a 5 on the scale out of 10 last semester. Not on purpose.. just what I could give in those circumstances I was given.

I know what number on the scale I'll be for the showcase ;)

*

Right now singing in the rain is playing on my radio.. and I bet'ya all, if it was raining outside now, I would go out and dance in the rain. Funny fact - it IS raining. And a while ago I put my duvet out the window to let it air for an hour or so, so I would make sure to sleep in fresh and new air tonight.
.. Now it's not just fresh.. it's wet.
So maybe I'll just stay indoors and work on getting it dry! ;)

This'll be a short one .. :/ .. I need to sleep to be fully prepared and rested for a 9-5 day of showcase tomorrow . That'll be 8 hours of unfailing 'showface' ;)

I can't wait. And especially to perform my song.
I am eager (!) to let you know how it went, and how rehearsals go as this week goes by - well or flies by..!

Sleep tight and tighter and tightest you all who I adore.
X