My first performance in New York City! . Pretty extraordinary to think about ;)
when i walked out of the subway at Columbus circle I wqs met by spring in the air and it made me dance the streets of NY with joy.. at least with my soul.. sometimes you have ot go with the Manhattan tempo in walking ;)
I love that! Oh, I can do so much more though - which I can't wait to develop more in my second semester.
But about today's performance -
I am SO proud of everyone's performance, and today was such a joyful day with so much energy, excitement, love and passion.
Proud because everyone did their best and seeing how everyone has grown so much this semester is truly beautiful.
The showcase was filmed, so I will make sure everyone in the family..and the friends who want to, will see it somehow :) However, musicals on tape just aren't the same.
I just saw myself on a tiny smartphone video.. and it wasn't very pleasing.
BUT the whole experience summing it up in my heart and soul was AMAZING.
And I feel so good about the performance.
I gave my all - and with passion I did so. I had a clear goal in my song, that I fought for till the last chord.
I had a few musical mistakes, but I used that as acting.. and that's what I loved about this performance.. is that I felt connected and like there was a story I needed to tell. That's what people want to watch .. my voice is not the most important part in that case.
A few days ago I spoke to my old singing teacher about this semester and how the career - that she's in too - is unbelievably difficult. She wrote back something very important.. which I think I forget too often.
That I should be happy about my growth. If I am so perfectionist that I can only be happy with what's a perfect performance (from my point of view), I will never be satisfied. - which is how I have been for a long time. I am such a perfectionist it destroys me. .. Just like Bella in Black Swan.
But tonight I was just happy and proud to be able to show what I can do so far.
Now it might not be on a BROADWAY level.. but we sure are getting there!
My bow for the audience :)
I saw the other showcase group first.. and it made me so happy - because I saw everyone still learning and growing onstage .. but with such devotion and love.. and it made me happy to see that not a single one was flawless and totally professional. But THAT was the whole beauty in it. Because dreaming to be on Broadway was a dream that was clear in everyone's eyes.. and after seeing that, it made me relax so much more. I think if I hadn't made these thoughts, I wouldn't have been happy with my performance, unless it was perfect .. and the best of them all. But ... I just can't be on that level yet... so..! This is what I usually do to myself - and then, heaven knows, I am never proud but always dissapointed in myself.
This comes back to being happy with my growth. And when I got offstage I found a mirror where I stood alone said to myself. "I am SO proud of you, I am SO proud of what you're doing, what you achieve and how you're growing every second."
Seeing the importance in growing in this process is just so beautiful.
Realizing how far I've come, ever since I started wanting to be onstage. Remembering that I actually started learning to belt this semester - and for the song I sang in the showcase. I am moving so fast and improving so much.. and I am really proud of that because I have not always done it wholeheartedly every day in school .. yet I have an immense talent and value of my muscles picking things up quickly .. that I have taken everything in on such a high level anyway.
Even for dance ... I have come a long way, and even though it is frustrating not to be able to do 5 or more pirouettes in a row, like a few girls from my class can do.. I have really improved from where I STOOD before. . And if I really think about it, the girls who can do multiple turns have been on their toes for over ten years.. and the best girl in our class personally said that it took her 7 years to learn a single turn.
So what's not to be proud of, Jasmin?
My teachers are proud, and think my growth is excellent. My Meisner teacher sees huge acting potential and a long career for me onstage, saying I am a leader in the classroom.
My grades have been straight A's. (I won't lie except for a B in Speech).. for the exams anyways, I don't know what the final grades for the full semester are yet.
I have been put in the best class for the next semester. We have been divided into new sets...and without being too self conscious, it is obvious that group D is a group of all the people who raise the stakes in their work. Everyone of the other 9 are daring and brave actors, have excellent work ethics, a fantastic voice and shining personalities. Everyone of the musical theatre students have a great unique personality.. but you can see a difference of those who really show it in their work, and those who are still working on unfolding, while prioritizing other things outside school too.
So I don't doubt there is a reason I have been put in that set.
I can't wait to work even harder in this group. It will be amazing.
I have no idea how the next semester will turn out, who I'll meet and what I will achieve. Being ready and looking forward with anticipation will all my heart is a great start.. and it makes me happy and proud to think that
today was the first day of the rest of my life!
Kiss
X
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