Every good day begins with a good mood

Sometimes you really have to fight for achieving that good mood. Other times it's just there. 

Maybe it was the way you slept, the things you looked forward to in the day ahead, the memories of the day before, the weather outside or a good song in your head.

- For me it was the way I decided to go to bed yesterday night. My whole attitude towards the day, beginning from the moment I'd open my eyes again. -

Yesterday at 9 pm, I was quickly dropped off by Susan back at my residence on 13th street, after a day on Long Island with the family.
And within a minute the car drove away, and the sudden rush of a special day flashed before my eyes:

Quickly getting out of bed, earlier than on a school day, to reach the Wittenberg house as early as possible. Being with them all through the church meeting, spending the afternoon with them back at the house, gathering around the dinner table with traditional American hot dogs, and 'cozy-ing' in the evening, lying next to each other on the couches with the fire on.

I hadn't seen the family for 2 weeks, and I had really struggled with not being in their presence. I had needed to speak to a close friend and evaluate all the great and the less great things about every new day in school.
So in the past 2 weeks, I'd had hour-long phone calls with Susan almost every night, before going to sleep.
Being extremely vulnerable and unbelievably exhausted from school, I'd had absolutely no energy left to hang out with friends, take a fresh stroll in Central Park, or take mini-adventures in the city.
There was no energy and no time after the usual routine:

wake up - read bible - have breakfast - get dressed - take the subway to school - 1st class - 2nd class - lunch (at school) - 3rd class - take the subway back home - rush to dinner - do written homework - go over ballet - go over songs - get into my pajamas - tea in bed + massage tired muscles - 10 minutes of free writing for Meisner - sleep (hoping to get enough sleep!)

But even though this has become the routine, there are so many new things I see; around me, and in myself. And all through this rush, I needed compassion, comfort and someone I trusted sharing this with.
So the highlight of my day (maybe apart from the first proper and big meal I finally get at 8 pm), was always that return to home, to the call with Susan.
The only one near me I can tell everything to, and the only one of the closest people around me who isn't under the same pressure as me.
And when I come home, either sad or happy - it doesn't matter - I need to find time to recharge for the next day, I need to find my way back to the ground, back to peace.

This is what the calls with Susan have been for me. They are the sound of human compassion, gentleness and peace. And the conversation of this; the release of sharing and the relief of being heard is what makes my soul relax and recharge.
And I guess this is what the sound of home has been for me here.

.... So being back home and seeing the family again at last, even just for a day, was extremely healing for me.
My favourite place on a sunday morning is at the church meeting in Hempstead chore.
And the rest of the day was just a perfectly normal and chilled, but extremely cozy day.

And the flash of these memories made my heart smile. And that's what made me walk into the lounge, greeting the people at the front desk with a loud: "How was your day? Have a good night!" and after that, seeing how my joy affected the silent people in the elevator.

Why did I smile so much?
Why could I open the door to my room and be happy, walking around alone in the dark room?

Because of love.

I could smile because I understood the treasure of being loved and being able to love.

What makes you love someone?
Because of who they are. Because of how they make you feel. Because of what they do for you.

The last thing I said to Susan before going to sleep was:
"I love you, for holding my hand".

And between the lines, was a millions of words, telling the story underneath. That she was the one person who was physically present to hold my hand all through the times I needed it - in support, in awe, in compassion, in protection and in love.
That's my reason. And no-one else has that specific reason to love Susan. She is loved by many people, especially her husband and dear family.

But my point is; we love people because of what they do to our lives.

I don't just love my mum, because she is my mum. Our story is a billion more words that I could never just type in one blog post. The same with my dad. And the rest of my family.

So find your reason.
A lot of humans find themselves surrounded by hundreds of people, but they never really figured out where they placed them in their heart. They feel and they love, but not everyone of them understand the true meaning of the bonds they've created.

Today in Meisner class, our teacher said something really important:
"Most people go to their graves with their music still inside them."

But I won't let that happen to me. ...No one should let that happen to themselves.
And my strong instrument of love is definitely one I will not fail to use.
I want to be honest and not only let people be aware of my love for them, - I want to prove it to them every day.

And I will perfectly relive the strong love my grandma taught me.
There were no things unsaid, no things undone. And that's how it should be.
If someone touches all the strings of your heart - tell them!
Don't keep your love instrument inside - because it's the strongest one you have, out of the whole orchestra inside you.

*

My smile last night came from feeling so blessed to have been welcomed with such love.
That's a reason anyone should stick a smile on their face for! And that kind of smile lasts more than a little while.

So when you find yourself almost surrendering to the darker part of your mood, take a second and think about what values mean the most. What is really important in our lives right now?

WE are ALL fighting against something the whole time.
Not having struggle, obstacles or doubts doesn't sound human to me.
- BUT it's hard! And I mean really hard! ..To not surrender to that struggle and not let yourself stay on the ground all cringed up, not bothering to stand up, because you know you'll fall again anyway.
We fall the whole time. And we hurt ourselves so deeply in some of the falls.
We shouldn't be ashamed and punish ourselves for these falls.
But they don't define who we are alone.

So when you end your day, you can decide for yourself. Will you stand up with scars for healing, or will you lie on the ground for aggravation. Can you go to bed with a smile on your face?
Take a moment. Place your love. Feel its power. Cherish its work.
And
Just be blessed.

*

Every good day begins with a good mood.

I woke up today with the same smile on my face. And I knew that this was a special day.
For that, I opened my drawer and found the box with my Tahiti pearl in it. The one my grandma had specially designed for me.

This pearl is a treasure - both in value and the personal story behind it. It's very special, and usually only worn a couple of times a year for the biggest celebrations.

But today was a celebration. A celebration for a special day. For the special smile.

- The school day was really frustrating, and everyone of my class mates felt frustrated at the same time.
We all had a day where we felt the demands being unfair and unclear. We all felt that we had done our best, yet been punched right back on the ground in a second.

But today was good, because I really started bonding with my class mates. Today they were not just the people with different backgrounds and smiles I was surrounded by. Today they were friends I connected with and people I found comfort in.
And knowing that everyone struggles, everyone feels frustrated and exhausted is probably our strongest point in the bond of our class.

12 people. Soon only 10, when the 4 week's course students leave.
That's very intense, with very personal focus. A strong bond. 12 different characters.

- And we will all succeed in telling our stories to the world.

And all of that work starts with special days like these.

Love ya!

X

Thursday the 26th

I woke up today very cold. It's difficult to get out of bed. I have my cup of tea and read half an hour in the bible.

My first class that morning was jazz, then ballet. I had good fun in jazz, and I'm feeling less and less pressure. Today the teacher told me: "Jasmin. CONFIDENCE."
And I know I need to work on that in dance, that's the only thing missing.
My body doesn't look like it's built for looking goofy. I know that it can do beautiful things.

I was very exhausted after both the jazz and ballet class, and we had no breaks in between. My muscles are still aching from it, even though I stretched out properly. It's like I worked very hard today, almost exploding my muscles! But I know that doesn't happen like that, so they are just tired and need rest.

In showcase practicum today we had to present our homework, which was to choose a song by the composer/lyricist we're working with at the moment; Ahrens & Flarity.
They wrote Once on this Island, Ragtime, The glorious ones, Lucky stiff and many more. Most of them which I didn't know before, so it was interesting to spread my repertoire a bit. However, I chose Journey to the past from Anastasia - which always has been one of my favorite animated movies.

We looked at the next song 'The sound of music', a beautiful song! I've already had the score from The Sound of Music stuck in my head, since yesterday, when we all performed 'My favorite things' in our Voice studio class.

When we had a small break I couldn't help singing the song out loud. Especially the most beautiful part, the high notes by the end of each line: "the hills are aloud with the sound of music - a-a-a-ah!".
And later, after the break the teacher gave us different parts to sing, 3 people on each voice. And then she wanted me to sing the "a-a-a-ah!".

I couldn't help but give myself a big proud smile on the inside, because I knew she gave me that voice because she'd heard me.

This is what happens in real life. If you share and sing out loud, in stead of keeping it to yourself, you don't get heard.
At an audition, yes you do. But when you walk down the street, you never know if there's a composer walking near you. Just like when you are at an audition for the ensemble - because the main character's were taken, if you give them MUCH more than what they ask for and what they expect - you might be remembered for another great part.
And this happens all the time. The teacher tell us that too.
It's about luck sometimes. But mostly about working hard.

The other day on the street I was singing Phantom of the Opera to myself, and this man walking in front of me took out one of his earphones to listen to me. I couldn't help but turn up the volume, he might have been someone looking for a new perfect Christine, you never know ;)

And sitting in the classroom today - I felt so proud inside, because I thought about how I was a couple of years back.
I would never had dared to sing aloud. I would always be scared to be heard. But that has changed so much.
And you bet I'm moving ahead to being heard big time! ;)

Our teacher in Showcase practicum took a long time explaining to us that we would need to learn how we recharge after the long week. Meaning; being under so much pressure physically and emotionally, we need to give us time to rest and find peace in ourselves - so we don't break down, loose control or get stressed.
It could be sitting in a corner with music in our ears after class, taking a nap, sitting in a park.. whatever helps us.

Right now I am sitting in the student's lounge, trying to isolate myself from the rush of the day. Some rest and food does good, and I just noticed that people around me are extremely loud - but I didn't notice until now.. so that's a strength I know will be good to have in these two years.

Right now I am done with resting (well not saying I couldn't need more!). But I need to go practise a song, I have to sing solo in 15 minutes. After that it's music theory!
And theeeen dinner!

I wish you a good night's sleep - knowing a lot of you are probably on your way to bed, or already sleeping.

Sweet dreams. X

Wednesday the 25th

Today I had a good day.
I had a peaceful morning and a good breakfast. My grandparents called and we had a good talk.

I was ready to begin my day, with a taller figure, even though I still thought it difficult.

Meisner class today was absolutely amazing. We had such a great class of extremely intense moments, that touched everyone in the room.
Our teacher took the repetition exercise a step further, letting us act in every way physically, whatever we felt an impulse to do.
This meant that people who felt attracted to each other could follow their impulses and take it as far as to whenever the teacher felt like stopping it. This meant that if I cried, the other person could reach out a hand or give a hug. This meant that if someone looked like they needed to be loosened up, they could stand up and jump or shake around in a silly way.

The class was so intense, and it was like watching a good movie. 
And it was so precious and intense, because we weren't actor's hiding behind some rehearsed lines. WE were ourselves experiencing the moment. And all of it felt so real. I want to say that the words didn't matter (like I mentioned in the previous blog post) - but in this exercise you could actually see how the words truly affected the other person.

This is what acting should be like . . . and you honestly don't see it every day in the theatre.

In my vocal technique class today we all had to sing My favorite things from The Sound of Music. An easy song, but the challenge for most people was to keep the voice in ligid singing (neutral), and not curbing or belting (a lot of musical theatre singers curb).
Singing ligid is mostly used in classical music, and it's what you hear all through Rodgers&Hammerstein's musicals. Just thought I'd mention that, since I expect most of you wouldn't know that.

My teacher was very impressed by my technique, because I was a fast learner to her few comments. But other than that I this song was naturally perfect for me.
She pointed me out and said that I'd easily get the A+ for today.
And that's how it is, some thing suit some people better.
For next time I'll be singing People will say we're in love from Oklahoma! You can click on the the link, if you want to hear it and imagine me singing it :)

Walking back from school, singing the score of The Sound of Music, the tall figure seemed to come more naturally.

.... Now I have to get started on writing 100 things that I either love or hate with a reason, for the next Meisner class.

One week later! Part 2

Today was a better day. I experienced many special things. I’ll start with the last one.

I did the Meisner repetition with my new partner, a boy from my class. And we both noticed some very special things in the room. We had some really deep moments, and it’s like we really clicked.
The teacher had explained to us how we obviously speak better with some people, and how other people make us upset or angry. But this was the first partner in Meisner I’d experienced the really close human connection with. It’s not that we got romantic, that’s not what I mean, but we had some special moments where we could really see into each other and understand one another. And it was something that took us by surprise, because we saw parts of one another we thought weren't that visible, and we’d never spoken to each other before doing the exercise!

That was a great moment, like so many other ones I’ve had in class. And there are many more to come!

*

I feel lost.

- I was trying to start a new paragraph, and that line just came out of me, without warning….

It kind of took me by surprise. But it’s true. I do feel lost. I feel like I’m not completely engaged to what I do in the class room. Being completely honest (not shifting back to the words, wanting to delete what comes out of me now) I sometimes feel like I don't belong. Because I don’t feel like I’m strong enough for it now.

It’s a lot to take, I know, for you people who want to read about my grand adventure.
The ones of you who hope that I am doing well in the big apple.
The ones of you who expect me to have the time of my life.
The ones of you who have high hopes and imagine me shine in class every day.
The ones of you who just wait to hear about the great school.

- It is an AMAZING school, trust me. I have never seen teachers be so committed to their classes, wanting their student’s dreams to come true more than anything.

But what I feel is that I’m not sure if I’m ready.

Being completely honest, starting the program again in 6 months, has striked my mind. Several times.

Thinking these thoughts surprised me, more than it surprises you, I know that. Because I’ve wanted this for as long as I can remember. It’s all I’ve worked for in the past years.

6 jobs.
Long days.
Not a lot of sleep.
Not a lot of time for school and my final exams.
No time for friends.
Rarely seeing my family.
Stress.
2 parties in total my last year of high school.
 and 6 auditions all around the world.

This was what I wanted more than ANYTHING. I want this more than ANYTHING.

But not feeling centered when I stand in a class room and strong enough to go through it, tells me something is wrong. Knowing myself, looking back on my development, I have seen me better. And that’s not how it should be. I should be extraordinary and surprise myself every day, and most of all make myself proud every day.

My grandmas death was breaking me in so many ways, and in so many ways I was beginning to heal with great progress.

Moving away from home was a huge turning point in my life, and even though I went for my dreams, the change probably affects me more than I think.

Being alone is difficult in times when I need company and love.

But all these things are factors that I have quickly accepted as being a part of my journey. You always have challenges on your way to your goals. I have learnt that years ago. And it has made me really thick-skinned, smart and determined.

But in my classes, the teachers are no way interested in seeing that.
They want to dig in to the tiniest person inside of us, they want to explore in the vulnerable. In every second class, I tear up, - from having to share something vulnerable, being affected by other people’s work or releasing the pressure of the expected work. And it’s exhausting!

I have never been so exhausted after a week, in my whole life. I know it is a part of the journey, and I respect the teacher’s work.

But I don’t need to see myself break, I can’t cope with my weakest points right now, being in a point of my life, where I need to heal and patch up the wounds to move forward, to be strong, to do my best. If I didn’t try to heal I would break completely, realizing all the weight there’s been on my shoulders the past weeks.

Being strong, it’s not that difficult. Realizing what has happened and being forced to share everything, it’s difficult. Unbelievably difficult. I feel so vulnerable the whole time, and it’s very uncomfortable.

I don’t want to keep on with this unexpected talk forever. My thoughts are just that the timing is wrong. Or maybe the word should be 'difficult'.. as I switch between wanting a break from it, and pushing myself forward.

I don’t quit. But maybe sometimes, things aren’t always what they seem to be. Maybe the right isn’t always the obvious. I’ve had dreams and nightmares the past 5 days telling me that.

The only thing I could be waiting for now is a sign that I’m on the right path, strength to pursue it, and peace to endure and cherish it.

Today in dance class (the advanced level I've been put in), the teacher gave us a pep talk, saying that he had noticed how some people still looked like they didn’t know what they were doing, and why they were placed in the advanced class. He explained how annoyed he was to see that, because the reason we were here was because he had seen something in us. Technique and sense of choreography, but he had also seen something in us that made him want to challenge us; because he’d seen the strength. We are all here to learn.
That’s the other special thing I experienced today.

And I think I should just remember that.
And every single one of you should remember that too.
- The most harmful thing you can do to yourself is to judge yourself and bring yourself down, when you’re trying to learn. If you want to break yourself, this is what you should do. But you don’t, I don’t.

I know that I just find it really difficult working with something I’m not best at. And that’s all part of the journey. The minute I accept the learning process, and enjoy the development, I start growing faster and more beautifully.

It’s easier said than done.
But my moment of rejoice will be when I learn to turn it around.

*

Now, listening to ‘A thousand years’ by Christina Perri, I again feel very much at home in my own room. It’s really beginning to take shape. It’s my new home, and I’m starting to feel it. The walls are mostly covered with posters/pictures/frames/postcards.
The second drawer is stuffed with food (!).
I have a family here, who include me and love me as much as I could possibly need them to.

I know I am at the right place. Circumstances are just difficult.

I am glad you know the truth.

But remember not ever to doubt that I am still having the time of my life seeing the world like mad and learning a lot!

One week later! Part 1

This week was my first week at New York Film Academy, and it has honestly been packed with much more than all the past experiences put together.

The week has been turned upside down in so many ways!

(Me and one of my best class mates Nataly, from Spain)

Random..............

First of all, I should just let you know, that I am thinking a lot about all of you. And you are with me every day; you're all hanging on my wall.

(I think it looks pretty awesome..!)

It shouldn't have taken me so long to post pictures of my room! ;)

On the bed hangs the heart drawing from Catarina, a picture of the fantasy-looking castle in Prague and a picture of Farmor and Farfar.

Below is a picture of my desk with all the usual notifications, lyrics or inspirational words hanging all over.

The plant was given to me from my neighbor, Jessica :)

Here I am (satisfied) in front of my super cool bathroom door that I've covered with musical theatre pictures :D

Look how fancy a student I am, now with all this new clothing!

(And this picture is even a week old

- meaning that I have about twice as many t'shirts now!)

... So the last thing I did on the blog was to share my intense schedule.
This is how it went!

I don't even know where to start.
This week has been full of challenge, fun, excitement and exhaustion.
The best things were all the unexpected things, and those were definitely the ones there were most of!

Meisner is definitely one of my favourite classes. The acting is so intense, and you see new things every day.
The meisner acting technique is pretty new - but all drama schools have started teaching it, and all the big actor's take a step back to take classes in Meisner, because it's 'the thing'. Something so many techniques haven't had before, Meisner is the right way to discover your greatest acting skills - everyone says that.

- The exercises seem silly, and they are very simple, but once you see the effect, it does magic and surprising things!

Two people sit opposite each other. They both have to repeat exactly what the other person says. One person starts of by commenting on something about the other person. Like "You have a grey shirt on", the other person repeats "I have a grey shirt on". And they keep repeating. But what happens underneath the lines of the superficial words, you will notice that saying the line or hearing the line will affect the two people in their own way.

So maybe starting off by commenting on a grey shirt is a boring subject - okay, say that may be the only feelings that lie between the lines. Unless the other person looks confused, because her shirt isn't grey or maybe she later on gets annoyed at the other person commenting on her wear.
And it can develop very slowly or very fast. But the magical thing is that seeing it from the outside, not once will the repetition be equal to another.

And if the first person started off by saying, "You look shy", the emotions might just start somewhere else. Because the second person has to repeat the words "I look shy". Maybe she's confused, because she really sees herself as being confident, but maybe she finds herself admitting that she's in fact very shy - which can be hurtful and very vulnerable to have to do in front of a class.

But this is what we learn in Meisner. We look for the truth. The truth in every situation.
We learn that words have NO importance.
    You can say I love you, and really mean something else. But you can look at someone and say "Don't go", when you really say I love you. We can't hide behind words and words alone, aren't enough! Saying "I love you" is not enough, because there is so much story underneath. That's why we need to set up a wedding and do everything to SHOW and ACT it. To prove that the story underneath the words is true.
The truth is not what we say, but what we feel.

- And converting this to acting a scene, we must know our character's language, and what their true stories are behind all the words. When we are acting, we need to know 'how does my character feel when she falls in love'. That's what people pay $100 to see. If it was all about the words, people might as well just read the plays at home.
But creating live characters is what creates the magic.

Meisner class is also about letting go of that control we have of our words. We want to be right and sound clever all the time, no one says their thoughts aloud. But controlling this locks away all the treasures in us.

Shakespeare will be some amazing classes! We have a really good teacher. For next class he found a monologue for everyone in the class room, which he thought suited them. I am playing Queen Margaret from Henry VI.
Our teacher, Carl (like you morfar!), told everyone he didn't think it was important reading the actual plays, because what was interesting about Shakespeare was the use of language. However, I don't think I'll keep myself from reading a few plays.. ;)

In History of Musical theatre we will not only be talking about the performers over time, but also the historical events in the last 50 years, which has affected the plot's themes and the musical style. Our teacher is the one who plays in The Lion King, and has done it in 12 years - so he always has tons of amazing, inspiring stories to tell. I'm quite sure this will be the best history class I've ever had!

My dancing classes have been amazing in many ways. I had good and bad dance days this week, - like most other normal people .. Some days were really frustrating, because I seemed to lack in confidence, which held me back to expressing what I really had the talent to do through the dance.

The important thing is that we have fun, and the team is about making everyone fantastic. No-one is overseen by the teachers. So, knowing dance is not a talent, which has come naturally to me, I have always been aware this was the class I needed to work hardest in.
And it's important to have those classes.
And everyone has them.

Dance is such an important subject for this career, because whether you're going to use dance onstage - later on in your career - or not, this class makes you aware of your body; how to use it and finding the confidence in showing it.
As actors we need this confidence to be able to do whatever role we're asked to do.
So I can't wait to develop my dancing - I've already come so far!

Speech class is not what I expected it to be - I thought it was all about doing monologues. But in class we learn all about what forms our accents. Knowing what verbal technique we use to pronounce the words. The aim is not to change our accents, but know why we have them. And then we study the classical accents like American, British, French and so forth, so that we can control those, if we for instance need to play a character who has a strong British accent.

Voice studio lab is all about mastering your singing technique. We spent one half of the class doing exercises and warming up. 3 hours of just technique will let us all come so far!

Showcase practicum is ensemble work. First of all knowing how to act in an ensemble! Be prepared, be healthy, be a good person who's kind and spreads joy. Those are all the mechanics of working together as a group.
We are about 30 people singing choral pieces. It could be something from 'Atlantic city' or 'Les Miserables'.
And when all the parts get together, it sounds amazing! If someone in class didn't feel the magic before, here they will, because in this class we really get to feel the greatness about community and being together in this dream.

Music theory class is for me going to be learning the musical terms from Danish to English. Other than that we were taught what a staff, a treble cleff, and a quarter note is. Surprisingly few people, other than me, felt MUCH ahead of this lesson. Anyway, the few of us were sent to take a test, which included the main things we'd learn in this course. If we pass it, we don't have to take the class.

Song interpretation with Kristy Cates was a-mazing. I'd been looking forward to it all week. She is such an inspirational person, and gives so much when teaching.

In this class we interpret songs - the lyrics and we study the person singing it. We started off by hearing 4 different versions of the song 'My funny valentine'. While hearing it, we had to create a story, a setting, from what we heard.
From Frank Sinatra's edition, I saw a married couple drinking red wine alone in the living room, by a cozy fire. In the next version, I saw a karaoke night, where a young boy has a 'love-at-first-sight' moment and sings publically to a girl. The third edition was someone standing alone, in grief, from being forgotten and abandoned.

So many different scenes were created from the same song, just because the style of music and the vocalist was different.
For next week we each have to sing 'My funny valentine', having someone specific in mind we address the song to.

*

Friday afternoon I taught the kids in drama for the first time, since I got here. It was very exciting to get started on the "job" that I'd heard about before I'd even arrived and met the people in the Salvation Army.
There were few kids in the group, so it was small, but intense.

The group was divided into dance and drama, whichever the kids wanted to do most.
I stayed with the 4 kids that chose drama, along with Sindy another teacher. It was the first activity's week after the holidays, so we just started off by introducing ourselves. We talked about what they had achieved in drama the other years, and what they wished to do this year.

They had a lot of energy, and they were definitely too young (about 8 or 10) to want to sit still and focus on the exercise. Most of the time they would randomly break into a sword fight and have the other teacher shouting at them like mad.
But this gave me an idea of putting that energy into an improvisation exercise.

It started off well, but ended in a shoe fight, and no interest. And they had little respect to their fellow players onstage.
Almost no time was left of the small 45 minutes we had with them.

However, I had a whole other idea for a last exercise. Simple, but something that would take courage.
I wanted each of them to stand up in front of everyone else, and give a neat description of what their day had been like.
Now, my intention was to let them experience getting nervous and let them feel the pressure of talking open-heartedly to someone, when they know they're actually being heard.

One of the kids made fun of it, thought the exercise was stupid, and didn't feel like sharing. But my thought was that he liked being in the center, but in a group - not a solo performance. The second child came up, really shy, but soon I could see she enjoyed a moment where someone was interested in hearing about her day. She didn't think her day was special herself, but the fact that I patiently gave her the acknowledgement, I think she started to turn it around in her mind.

And this was a small step forward with a simple exercise. But I could already see improvement, which really made me happy.

These children will know the great values of working together, learning how to listen and respect one another, and feel like there's room to express themselves.

We may not end the year with Shakespeare monologues (!!), but if we end the year being aware of these values, I'd be more than happy! - And these values would be the perfect platform to our Christmas play ;)

*

Saturday I had one of the best days so far. I had a private class in the morning at school, but the rest of the day was spent rehearsing my songs for next week and dancing ballet and playing piano. I had an amazing day just practising for myself, 6 hours straight. It was fantastic to have room and time for that. I sang in the huge temple, where I'd been last week to the welcome of the cadets and the 9/11 memorial.

Just to give you an idea of the atmosphere, this is what I sang: Gravity and At the ballet - A chorus line.
My channe' turns in ballet were the best ever, and I did perfect double-pirouettes. Improving.

But the best part of the day was when I was back in my room and I had time to just be myself. I had borrowed some speakers from my neighbor, so being able to let the music fill the room - and not just a small computer - was incredible. I suddenly felt so much at home. For the first time since I got here. Alone, but in great company!

Today, Sunday, I had a more peaceful day. Quiet, and very peaceful.
I ran in Central Park, for the first time - an awesome experience. I also happened to run into New York triathlon, and I almost thought I'd be counted in on the finish line, but no - no price for me that day!..

Later on, I found St. Patrick's Cathedral, the great catholic church on 52nd street. The mass was with the bishop and the community was amazing, seeing there were hundreds of people filling up the whole church. I lit a candle for my grandma, which I trust is still there.

I practised my Shakespeare monologue, till I knew it off by heart, went to an Italian Festival in Little Italy with Josephine and had a bubble bath in the evening.

I miss you guys a lot, and I wish you could see some of the things I see, since it's getting more and more difficult for me to write it all to you.

I think of you every day and pray that you are all alright.

X

All my love, Jasmin

A special first day in class

Today in my first class, I experienced something very special.
In our class 'Performance lab' we learn how to be the artists that people want to look. How we trust that there is no-one else like us in the whole world, and that WE have a special gift, something the audience hasn't seen before.

From the minute we walked into the class, the teacher met us with grace. The teacher is a human being like us, he said. This room was meant to let go of any mask or shield - the one all of us wears in our everyday lives. Not many people don't. We wear it to protect ourselves, seem cool or stronger than we really are. But the human being is a very vulnerable creature, he continued.

To be an artist, we have to accept every part of ourselves. No-one loves someone who doesn't love themselves - it's not interesting to watch onstage. But the confidence is not meant as a practised smile, but being able to share the true self to the world.
That's what's unique.

We each had to share a secret, something vulnerable to us, beginning the sentence with "If you really knew me, you'd know...".

I'd expected that people would have said "... I am scared of taking the bus alone" or "...I am afraid of heights" or "I cry when I see a rat".
For myself, I'd long before decided that I wanted to be one of the brave one's. I wanted to say how I really felt and what things had happened to me recently that made me more vulnerable.

But it didn't even take one person to speak, before vulnerable stories were shared on a really deep level.
Of course what was said in the room, must stay in the room, in order to be faithful to the exercise.
- But what people said was really deep and honest. They spoke about loosing their loved ones, parents or siblings passing away, being afraid of speaking up or being alone.
And within the first 5 minutes a third of everyone in the circle had tears in their eyes. And I said "If you knew me well, you'd know that I lost my best friend last week."

The teacher had made room for the vulnerable self, from the second we stepped into the classroom. And he made it clear that the purpose of the exercise, sitting in a circle and looking deeply into the other person's eyes, was to acknowledge everyone who was there, no matter what their background was.

And it wasn't hard. Seeing all kinds of different people burst into tears in no time, brought such a huge smile on my face. Not because I was happy about them crying, but because I was happy that they could.
There was no way no-one in the room wouldn't notice the sudden respect and sensitivity that created the mood.

From then on, the teacher decided for each of us, what we were going to sing in front of the class next week, based on our character and our story behind. He really hit the spot on every single one. For me, he wanted me to sing, "At the ballet" - from A Chorus line, after I honestly said how I felt my grandma with me every time I sang and danced.
And with some people, he guessed their story - the turbulents they'd been through and what they really felt underneath the masks - before they'd even had a chance to speak.

And every part of it was true. And the person burst into tears - maybe from the relief of being seen right through, or the fear of it.
Our teacher claimed he was psychic, but of course he was just taking the mickey out of us.
The reason he could see through people is not because he is psychic, but an actor.
Through acting he has learnt how to see the truth in people. He has 'studied' human beings his whole life. And revealing the true chore of a human being takes an amount of truth, vulnerability and respect. When you learn to master these three things, and be them in LIFE (not just pretended on a stage) - when you stop wearing your mask and honestly, but vulnerably dare to step into the circle and say 'this is me', you start showing the world what a great unique you are.

We are the ones who create this earth. As long as we breathe we participate. And not acting truthfully, pretending we're better or different in a way, we fail in our purpose on earth.

That's how he said it, and it sounds harsh. But I think there's a lot to think about in what he said.

Know that you have no purpose on earth if YOU (the real you) don't contribute.

*

Yes, this was just one of the three amazing classes I had today. This was an experience I had to share immediately. I will write about my Meisner class soon.

Tomorrow I have ballet, who knows if something magical might happen then.

I want to finish my blog post with a quote. This was Susan's interpretation of my first day.

"What did you do on your first day of school?... oh, I let go of fear and opened my heart".

My third weekend - beyond the actual semester start

Alright, so my confession of the day is that I have had big difficulties not keeping my blog steady! I've had time to do things that were important those couple of days I didn't keep you updated.. but it's all about the adventure. Even now, when several people have said that I could turn my blog into a book, if I keep going like this, it's hard to resist developing the journey online.

The day after my audition (friday),  the school gave us a tour of Broadway.
- And being with a recent musical performer, our teacher, it meant that the first thing we got to do was to go backstage in a Broadway theatre!
Our teacher, Thom, who has our 'History of Musical Theatre' classes is playing 3 different roles in 'The Lion King' (one of them is the bird Zazu)! So that's the theatre we went to!

The Minskoff theatre is the very first theatre that opened on Broadway, - and it is probably also one of the biggest.
The backstage was enormous - which is really needed for the Lion King, because they have a great amount of costumes. The scenography is also massive. We got to see and touch everything. It was unbelievably awesome!

My teacher demonstrating how he controls his character!

I'm going to try to make this post a short one, but I'm struggling, because there are so many things I want to say!

What I found interesting on the trip to The Lion King theatre is the costume designer's thoughts behind the animal characters.
In many ways she wanted the costumes to be rational, meaning she wanted to give the audience a true feeling of that specific animal's shape and movement. She didn't want to repeatedly remind us that this was 'just' a human personification of an animal.
Therefore all the designs were made with the realistic size and shape.

*The giraffes are dancers (really trained and well balanced) walking on stilts, with a huge extended neck attached to the back of their head.
Many of the animals are controlled with strings, so that the wings of the bird and the eyelids of the zebra has an effect too.*

On the other hand the designer didn't want to hide the faces of the actors, because the live expression of the actors is what gives spirit to the costumes.

Just saying - whoever wants to give me a treat - this show is it!

Before closing the tour in the theatre, we talked about the ghost light.
On stage a small solemn lamp shined vaguely on centre stage. The ghost light is a tradition that comes way back from the times of witchcraft and superstition. A single lamp was to be placed on stage over night (as the only lid lamp in the building), this was to keep away the ghosts. Or phantoms in the operahouses - who knows..

Me and my new friend Ilda from Panama.

WE just click - as much excitement from her side, yay!

One day, you'll see me here. Soon.

After Minskoff theatre we walked to The Drama Bookshop - yes a whole bookshop JUST for plays, acting/directing/screenwriting/you-name-it books. They had all the Meisner, Shakespeare, Stanislavskij books and a whole archive of books describing the development of the theatre in the past 50 years. And no, of course I couldn't help buying more, than what the school implied I needed. My budget and I decided that we'd rather have less food, but own another drama book!
... And just saying again... for the ones who come over close to my birthday, this is the only store you're allowed to look in, the days up to!

Then we went to Capezio - the biggest edition of that dance store, I've ever seen. I have enough shoes and dance wear .. but it was tempting.

The last thing we went to was Lincoln center - there I saw the New York City Ballet in person, including the places they filmed a big part of the movie 'Black Swan'!
But what was really cool was New York Public Library of Performing Arts.
Only permitted entrance for special students of the performing arts! What they have in this library is phenomenal! The exceptional storage is this: they have all the CD's you can imagine from all the musicals you can imagine, all musical scores for the shows, and the best part - I can go there an afternoon and watch whatever show/play I want, with whatever cast I'd want. They'd even have taped editions from way back the time they only just invented film.
The original cast of Phantom of the Opera - they'll have it.
The 2005 edition of Annie - they'll have it.
The dozens of Shakespeare plays - they'll have them.
The first Broadway play or musical - they'll have it.
- and it's the only place in the whole world that has those tapes, and offers this. 
                                                               ---> NEW YORK, HONEY!

Now to a very cool story! The world famous actress and screenwriter/director, Helen Hunt had decided (and I have no idea why) to shoot her new film at my residence! A couple of days ago she was suddenly on my floor, looking through the rooms to find a suitable room for her shoot!
And then the whole Saturday she and her crew filmed and people could watch and take pictures of the set!
Jessica from the residence told me that I should look out for pink signs on the streets. Whenever there's a film crew in town, shooting a film, they will hang pink slips all the way down the streets they need to block.

13th street closed for cars, while filming 'Ride'

Usually you're allowed to stay around and watch, and if not you may just catch a glimpse of - who knows - Leonardo Dicaprio (who was actually seen by a girl from my class recently!), Sarah Jessica Parker, Sandra Bullock, Meryl Streep?! After all, New York is one of the biggest and most popular destinations for the 'big budget' movies!

The same night I received my final schedule for this semester, and it looks too exciting! They really understand the terms 'hardworking' and 'determined' for their students.
I wouln'd have created it much better myself - maybe several more classes with Kristy Cates (but then again she wouldn't be able to stand on Broadway besides her teacher job!;)

Mon. (9 am - 7 pm):           Meisner, Performance lab, Shakespeare
Tues. (9 am - 3:30 pm):     History of Musical theatre, Jazz and Theatre dance, Ballet
Wed. (9 am - 6:30 pm):     Speech, Meisner, Voice studio lab
Thurs. (9 am - 7 pm):         Jazz & Theatre dance, Ballet, Showcase practicum, Music theory
Fri (12:30 pm - 3:30 pm): Song interpretation

FINALLY - a times table without Science, History, Maths and Biology. No school days hanging on the stool, trying to be a good and hardworking student, always trying to dedicate myself to what was needed and important at the time... and in those years always knowing that my place and biggest talent was in a completely different field.
Now I'm here.
And it really is an excellent journey I have taken. During the 12 years of school, all through the 7 different schools..
But without even having been to my first class yet, in the 8th school, I know that this will be the best so far.

Oh, my treasures!!

- And hard to pick which one to start reading..

Don't worry I had a collection before I entered the drama book store!

Best decorated school folders ever!

The Wittenbergs came to the city on Saturday and we had a really nice time walking around in Greenwich village. - The cute little part of town I spoke about some days ago... only this time I got to really explore it!

You walk down a street in Greenwich village, and this is what you see: a classic Italian Ice cream store, a Mexican restaurant, a french ceramics shop, a Greek restaurant, an English tea place, a fish & chips place, a tailor, a sangria cafe, a hummus store, an English candy store, New York's oldest live jazz cafe, a flower store, a Spanish/Portuguese wine shop, a tea store, a coffee store... 

I could GO ON forever, only my mind has registered SO many things at once I can't even remember all the things I saw.
I mean like;
- if you tasted a special cheese in the Southern France - you'll find it here.
- if you wish you'd bought more ceramic bowls from the town in Portugal you once passed 10 years ago - I wouldn't be surprised if  you'd find the same pattern in a shop here.
- if you've searched all the food stores for the tea you always had in your home country - they'll probably have it in Greenwich village.

They had the Parisian 'Kusmi' tea, that I thought you could only buy in Europe, they had a hand made sculpture of Columbine the Commedia dell'arte character, an 'Accessorize' store, Danish aebleskiver (spelled 'ebleskiver'!), homemade macarons .... and I am literally tearing my mind trying to remember all the things we saw. There were so many things!

- For instance, I once tasted a freshly homemade cherry ice cream in Rome that I still remember as being one of the best I've ever had, and I bet ya it'll be in one of the Italian ice cream places I saw in Greenwich village. And I just can't wait to re-experience that taste!

We saw the 'Friend's' building (the building the characters from the TV show Friend's live in!). Funny thing is, Phil and Susan realized they'd sat underneath those apartments several times, eating in their favorite restaurant which is just underneath the Friend's building! The building is of course supposed to be right next to Central Park in the TV show, but this was just a small street corner of a small village. However, so many tourists stopped in front of the building to have their picture taken in front of it. If you didn't know where the building was situated, you'd never know it was the Friend's building just from walking by it!

So Greenwich village is probably the most wonderful part of the city I've seen so far. In its own way. This is the younger part of town, and there's a lot of life in the evenings, from the numerous restaurants. This is where I'd like an apartment!
But I do love Times square too! And Central Park! - And my location at Battery Park!
The good thing is, you can always find something that suits your mood and whatever you're searching for the day.. because New York truly has everything.
It's quite remarkable.

After walking and walking and walking and walkin and walki and walk an wal a wa..... (but not as far as my marathon walk with the boots last week obviously!)....the three of us sat down on a really cute small cafe. The coffees/teas/lattes were really good! And I had a huge fruit bowl that filled me up for at least the next 4 hours!

Cozy ;)

(The one word I've implied the true meaning of in the family!)

We found a jazz group on one of the streets - a trio with a live band: bass, drums, guitar and creative percussions. They were amazing! It was what I'd imagine it would be like to walk down a street in New Orleans.

They mentioned that they had a free CD

... but with a 15 dollar donation!

*The musicians reminded me of the story our teacher told us on the tour. - Each and every singer/band has to pass an AUDITION to get their permission to play on the streets or in the subway.

The atmosphere in New York is special, and being an entertainer you have to be GOOD and live up to the special surroundings in New York.

And it's really true - all the entertainers I've heard are really talented.

It makes you love the city.

You don't need to shop on 5th avenue to get the full experience - it's all served on a silver plate for you ;)

And this makes me think that the city isn't just built up out of millions of pieces dumped randomly together in a big square - they really are creatively planned out to create the atmosphere everyone loves, - each and every piece in a joint picture.

Maybe this is taking it a bit too far from speaking of the audition for a street singer. But I think, and hope it makes sense to you. I will make sure to keep my eyes open for more examples that proove how everything is created for the community.*

So back to my day with Phil and Susan -

On top of the cafe treat, we walked by a Mediterranean baker plus a massive cheese shop. This was our perfect dinner: fresh olive bread with a salty Irish cheese and a mild Brie.. top dollar! ;)

Greenwich, close to dark:

Culture

Look at the colours!

Dad - "Where is Perry?!"

The 9/11 memorial tower, taken a couple of streets away from my room!

I forgot to rotate this picture - but please turn your head,

because it's such an amazing picture! ;)

Greenwich apparently also has a 'Walk of fame' ;)

Saturday night I chilled out 100 % with Susan watching a TV show called 'Once upon a time' - a show where all the Disney characters come to the human world - cool huh?

Lovely evening, Susan <3

Sunday morning we went to their chore in West Hempstead. I was honored to be opening the meeting, singing 'Morning has broken'.

I had a good cry out in church for my grandma, slowly realizing what had actually happened exactly one week ago.
But that's what church is for - revealing your humble and vulnerable self.
I'm just glad I wasn't alone. For both the person who held my hand all through the meeting, and my grandma who warmed my heart anyway and smiled at me when I sang.

I also did some ballet exercises today, just to be with my grandma.

And I've also done my morning stretch/dance program the past 2 days!

- Quickly getting fitter and feeling healthier, stronger, smarter and happier!

At 5 pm I headed back home to Manhattan, so I could spend some hours revising my Meisner technique and possibly read some Shakespeare, to prepare for the schedule tomorrow! - which I haven't started yet.. but when you're really eager about something, tiredness kind of doesn't exist, and I'm sure my eagerness will pull me through the super exciting day tomorrow, even if I won't get up to 8 hours of sleep this night.

How cool recognizing your school on an ad in the train?!

By the way.. I've already spent 5 hours writing this post - can you imagine??! - but then again - people have said I could publish the blog as a book in some years, if I keep on going with it.. so I guess it's just all the work for that I'm doing already!

On my way back to the residence I came across tons of families and friends saying goodbye after a holiday/weekend together; and this I'd of course noticed in the first place, because I was thinking about the goodbyes I'd dealt with in the past few weeks.

The goodbye to my family and friends in Copenhagen airport, the goodbye to my grandma who passed away, the goodbye I say to my family over the phone, and time after time - the goodbye to the Wittenbergs.

And all the goodbyes are hard. Really hard.

But recently, I find it most hard saying goodbye to the Wittenbergs.

Even though I love my family in Denmark more than anyone, I think I have somehow accepted that they're not around.

The fact that they're so far away, that if something happened to me, or if I had instant news, or if I needed a shoulder to cry on, or if my mind was just bursting with great stories from my day... they would be out of reach (and even though it's just a phone call away, they would most likely be fast asleep during the time I was most awake).

But in all these occasions, I turn to the Wittenbergs. 

One thing all the goodbyes have in common though, is that they're really not goodbyes - they're a "I'll be seeing you". Sooner or later.

And in the time apart, both parts have grown; independently, but also in the love of the other part.

And when we reunite again, it will be with a greater anticipation and a stronger, more independent self.

So that's what I love about "I'll be seeing you's". Even though they're difficult, you look forward to see what happens during the time apart, and how you learn from that.

I have a new favorite song, that I'd like you to listen to: Gravity. The song is about a girl who is in love with someone. The relationship destroys her, because she's not treated right. However, she always comes back to him, because she's not strong enough to say goodbye and stand on her own feet.

The song is beautiful, but my point with this theme is that goodbyes - whether they feel like actual goodbyes or I'll be seeing you's - are important.

If you don't take that step and let yourself leap just beyond the safety line, you will never know what was beyond that point. You won't let yourself grow or learn or dream.

Your hopes remain hopes, but you'll never see how far your hopes could have brought you in life.

So cherish your goodbyes. Don't cry if you're saying goodbye to someone you love, who loves you. Because you'll always reunite.

*

Tomorrow's my first day at school! Cross your fingers till they hurt.

X