Reflections

Looking back over old blog posts, and my head is in no time filled so much, so much more to write about and so many more reasons to stay up typing, instead of falling asleep now at 1:37 am.

I came home from a Broadway show late.. around 11 pm. I made myself a cup of tea, and just wanted to send a few emails.. but then after just wanting to check out some pictures on my blog, I got stuck looking back at the 100 posts and the thousands of journeys and feelings and sights and people I have experienced this past - almost year now!

It is truly hard to believe how 10,5 months have seemed to pass me by in what became the city of my dreams.

10 months without having had time to see Harlem, much of Brooklyn area, Bronx zoo, dozens of the museums and Wicked on Broadway!

But.. 10 months with so much more than I could bare; from being happy, proud, stressed, overwhelmed, loved, sad, angry, exhausted.. and basically every feelings more in Meisner class.

I know this may seem like a random time to look back on things.. it's not like the day of graduation.. but it certainly is free time in holiday that's taking its toll.

I can't sleep because I'm overwhelmed by all the things I have been through this year and I am even more overwhelmed by the things yet to come in the next and possibly last year here.

That thought makes me really sad. I am ready for anything though. The second I feel bored or stuck I know how very well it stresses and ages me and that's because I'm a globetrotter who lives and breathes from travelling.

In and out of roles and around the world.

My evening is quite calm and cozy. Very sweet and wonderful. I am smelling the amazing new bouquet my dad sent me and made a cozy candle.. The night is warm and lovely, and I can enjoy my ever so fantastic view with a cup of warm tea and a cinnamon biscuit...

Not that I want to write a whole novel about this past year.. but my mind admires a few things I can look back on:

- I made the adult choice to become a soldier in the Salvation Army

- I had my debut in NYC when I played one of the leads in a Tony-winning musical

- I pushed through and got over the death of my best friend my grandma who passed away a weekend before my school started

- I was downgraded a level lower in dance class and worked even harder than before till my work and development in body proved me to be one of the best dancers seen at the school with a continuous praise from my ballet teacher and received his annual 'Fierceness in ballet' award

- I started on point for ballet which has been a dream of mine ever since the first time I saw a pair of them

- I decided to be a biker in one of the worlds largest and busiest cities - not going with the rest of the crowd to the subway

- Despite the financial head ache, with no help from the Danish state whatsoever, I received a grant that covered a full semester when I least expected it

- I made my directing debut with my Christmas play for the children in the Salvation Army

- I wrote over 100 blog posts about everything I experienced - being very well ahead for the hopes of publishing a blog-book in the end

- I learnt more about myself from the deepest part of my soul than I could have ever imagined, or I think anyone could ever imagine knowing about themselves

- I pushed myself and never gave up even when I had no belief in myself or didn't have the energy.

As my day was spent reflecting and recharging from the list above, I managed - once again during this wonderful holiday - to let myself relax and do NOTHING. I have come to understand it is quite the art.

For the first time in very long I had 1 hour in between appointments with absolutely no idea what to do with it.

The sun was shining brightly and it was a very hot summer's day. So I decided to go back up to my old friend, the roof top :)

Just lying there with a book and getting a tad more tanned!

   

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One of these days, I also found the joy in finishing a new very excellent application for funds back home. Getting ready and building hopes high again for another round of applications sent out. Hopefully, something unexpected will happen during my last year.

After a long day, and my head about to explode in my tiny room, I told myself to go out and get some air, and I managed to visit quite a few places and write under new circumstances for the rest of the day..

Union square - which unfortunately was more interesting than my application... a guy skating and jumping a fence and landing again on the skateboard that had rolled under the fence.. a young girl right next to me being asked to model for his magazine, a guy which works with Jessica Simpson and was doing a photo shoot with Demi Lovato same week.... a young girl maybe 15 talking/giggling with her friends while telling them abut her first kiss..... a man by his table philosophing with an old typewriter - the ones which click you can hear from a far distance..... a group of young people playing ball and continuously hitting a woman by mistake who kept threatening to call the police... young girls sharing their religion of Buddhism to people....  always lots going on at union square!

Then after 1 hour of just looking and absolutely no typing I went to Cosi cafe (cozy!) for a cup of coffee.

Furthermore I found out that.... wait for it, American........ the numbers on Union square is NOT America's debt, but the time! "wikipedia article about the art work at Union Square". I overheard to people discussing it.. one older man thought he knew he was right about it being the debt.. which is what I was told months ago too.... however, this young girl said... "well it might be, it always matches the time on my phone!"...

If you don't believe me, look closely, and you'll realise that the numbers increasing are counting in 60'ies not 100'eds. Besides... the numbers start from 01 after hitting 24.... if this was the debt, there would be needed to create more blocks for the numbers, since they increase so rapidly.

In fact, this article above is very interesting! - all the details, especially the steam from the metronome, is quite a fascinating design.

In fact, these past few days I've mostly been running indoor, like running a Cinderella life. Very boring, but so relieving and wonderful to get done. I have written applications for funds and done every possible tidying and cleaning in my room. Things I would always push aside when being done with school work at midnight usually..

With my sewing I've been around too... got it finished on quite a few benches and in parks! While sitting there a young man felt it appropriate timing to hit on me. He said that sewing was a talent and he admired me for it. Very nice guy. Considered it funny that I am not a girl who is flirted with as often as many blonde or silicone girls I know, for instance.. however, the one time I sit outside with my thread and needle a guy stops to have a long conversation with me.. I think that's kind of hilarious. You'd think it works better at the beach.. but no, it's sewing!

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What kept me awake till now and is still keeping me awake has been working on an idea for a book:

I have a dream; to write a story about dreams.

To write a captivating book about the amazing thing about humans - that we dream with all our heart.

I want my book to consist of hundreds of personal stories about you. I need hundreds of unique people to talk about their dream/(s) in life.

I am interested in telling this story about how every single person is unique, has unique dreams that are of great matter - because dreaming them forms who you are.

… No matter big or small - fulfilled or unfulfilled we all know what searching/longing/hungering for something feels like for us.

And we go about our dreams in our own way.

Some pursue, some keep it close in their heart.

It is my biggest wish with this book to tell the story of ‘life being the dream’. Showing that the things we choose in life and the goals we achieve in some special way become the perfect dream, because the unexpected things on the way made us even more who we are, than the imaginary dream would’ve done.

And if this isn’t the case for some people, then I would like this book to inspire. To remind humankind that living is NOW, and not in the dream TOMORROW.

- It is when we are in the middle of the dream we realize that it doesn’t feel fulfilled, unless we stop and allow ourselves to LIVE it, instead of trying to INCREASE it.

- As a young person, I have come to understand my very personal expectations to my dreams in life. I thought about the fact that my dreams now might not be pursued.. in the same way… at the same time I’d imagined.. at the same place.. in the same form.

I reflected over the fact that life doesn’t turn out the way we plan it. The fact that not reaching some goals may disappoint us.. but perhaps turn out better.

For me, seeing how my dreams turn out is the most exciting thing about me.

This is why I so dearly wish to be able to dig into some of you friend’s beautiful stories. The young people I share so many dreams and expectations with, the few decades older than me who I look up to for living in the middle of it and the oldest - my grandparents and more, who I respect so highly for looking back on a decade of dreams and unexpected stories.

I believe that this book for young dreamers will be like a young theologist reading a priests’ preaches, like a young dancer watching the royal ballet perform, like a young doctor watching a surgeon perform a heart transplant, like a young politician seeing the president speak..

So my purpose is to encourage and inspire young people, as well as the older generations - to remind them that dreaming is never a finished chapter of our lives, both in our heart and through our acts.

But just as much this book is to celebrate every man's story. A celebration of dreams - big or small - and how the world came to know another unique dream simply by your being on earth.

- I have already begun this project, and imagine to keep it running just as steadily as my blog.

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