I am lying in bed, 8pm.. tired but full from a wonderful day with lots for the good artist's soul. I had a long day at museums today, and it feels amazing to look back on what I've seen in some of the buildings that I so regularly pass by in a second's whiz on a stressful week day.
First of all, look how beautiful it is outside my window. The clouds look phenomenal.. it's almost like a kingdom behind the city. It's also fair to say that NYC has mountains in the far distance for one night.. it sure look like it.
I actually thought my plan for today was to go to the Met museum to see my favorite Gauguin painting again.. and then spend half the day there actually seeing the rest of the museums (or should I rather say the selected others, since one can imagine covering the whole museum in a day is probably not gonna be enough time for it).
However, I skyped with my dad this morning who told me about a Paul Gauguin exhibition at MoMA (the museum of modern art), and so I decided to go there first.... lol first.. there's no such thing of making plans for several places in NYC on a day. The city is too big for that.. and far too interesting for that.
The fact is I spent 4 hours at MoMA, and by then there was no time to start all of the Met!.. I will come back to my reflections on the Gauguin exhibition.
After the museum, around 4 pm, I went to the giant old library on 42nd street, which was very fascinating and there I saw an exhibition about children's books - which might as well have said 'children's + Jasmin', since I am deeply in love with children's stories and fairy tales still to this day, even though I by far wouldn't be put in that category anymore!
I thought it would be a tiny and not so fantastically interesting exhibition, I just went in there for fun to see all the books and possibly hear some read aloud!... but oh-my-gosh I experienced one wonderful exhibit after the other. Some of the worlds most famous originals are here.
The original Pooh, Tigger, Eeyore, Kanga and Piglet (originally used as a needle pillow) were there. These were the teddy bears of the author, Alan Alexander Milne's, son.
I saw original drawings from Lewis Caroll's 'Alice in Wonderland', one of the first copies of Anne Frank's diary, part of the original manuscript of Mary Poppins and The Secret garden.. and so much more I unfortunately don't recall as I lie here exhausted in bed 4 hours later..! This was so very cool to see.
The rest of the library building was wonderful, I just didn't have the opportunity to see the big hall, because it was closed off for construction.. which I thought was quite a bummer.... but I had a good time, and I found a beautiful edition of 'Little Women' - which is now one of my favorite stories of all time. I hope to play Beth one day. If it comes to Europe, I could be the original!
I'm not sure how many of you are reading this.. but if so stick around for my insights of Gauguin. This day was just so inspiring, and I almost teared up standing in a room full of his spirit, knowing I was somehow, in a beautiful way, part of all of this.. and even more emotional when I for the first time I believe found all the things in him and his work that I've inhabited. I saw so much of me in that room.
What interested me most when I was walking around the exhibition, from painting to drawing, to sculpture, to carving of his... was to learn more about him as an artist..
Trying for the first time to look beyond what the descriptions and tiny texts would tell me about him, but study the paintings myself and see what I as an independent artist understood from just looking intently.
And not long after I'd entered the exhibition, a big smile stuck on my face when I realized how much of me had in fact been in him. Or the other way around.
So from this I found from his themes for instance..
in the corners or backgrounds of his paintings he usually has figures who are not facing front, or in any way not entirely with the main characters. He has these 'wanderers' added to the paintings. Maybe it's himself. So far, I have always been cast in the wanderer roles.
He wasn't only a painter.. but also sculpturer, carver, printer (his technique with carving wood and painting on it to then press down and thereby print on a piece of paper), and writer. He wrote a book called Noa Noa, but never got quite through the editing process or got it published. A full digital version of the handwritten work in French was at MoMA though! I think I spent 20 minutes flipping through the 109 pages and trying to translate as much as possible in my head. It is my dream to be able to read the whole thing one day, somehow, knowing French.
Like me, he had a lot of talents in the arts that he pursued.
Above all - he longed for adventure. He couldn't keep from travelling far overseas to Tahiti, even when he was too sick to leave home. Beforehand he had started painting and learnt from the French impressionists in Bretagne.. but he had found his place in Tahiti, and he didn't doubt knowing he had to follow that instinct and pursue his art there instead.
Paul Gauguin loved the nature, hence the choice of destination! He said that on Tahiti, "nature itself was like a big palace.." He didn't need richness in materials, he had his kingdom in God's wonders.
I am not sure in what way he had faith or practised it.. but I am certain he was very interested in it. A funny detail I have found in many of his earlier small drawings was Buddha-like figures. In his first years starting out as an artist, he was experimenting on figures and themes to work on. For this he was very inspired by the figures he saw on a Buddhist painting/drawing he had at home. I don't think he purchased it for inspiration, but possibly just something he'd randomly owned and then later reflected on. This is will look further into.
Furthermore, when he came to Tahiti he was very interested in the Tahitian mythology. His paintings reflect the different God's from Tahiti, often crossed over by Christian symbols from Europe.
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His first painting on Tahiti was my favorite of his, Ia orana Maria. A Tahitian Mother Mary and baby Jesus. Later on he used his printing technique to redo this figure on a smaller piece of paper. When looking at them, it was like studying the same painting, but with a veil over. This was from the watery oil technique and the fact that the color didn't come on as strong when printed than directly painted on with a brush.
Some have suggested this 'veil' is a veil of memory. Interesting that he'd draw a smaller, and easier edition of his works of art years AFTER finishing the great paintings. You'd supposed he started with the small drawings to measure figures and try out colors.
Perhaps this is Gauguin looking back and reflecting on his art.
Towards the end of his long era of works, he was very sick, and he knew he was going to die. He would die on Tahiti. Now, I'm not sure if he performed the print drawings when he was not at his best.. but I would find it interesting if he made the prints to look back and embrace on his highest points of inspiration. Also in a lot of the prints he has made new figures. A lot of them has a devil figure in them. Some very scary.. for instance one with a devil lying behind a woman in bed... other with the devil and the lady making out.. almost like a phantom.
These weren't scary in a grotesque way, but in a mysterious and dark way.
For one of these drawings Paul Gauguin had left a note: "a monster, who looks like me, takes the hand of the nude woman".
And that's when I realized that he had been haunted by some very dark thoughts through his art too. Possibly from sacrificing things for his work and to keep on going through sickness must have been like hell for him. I thought to myself that this quote might be him saying that he saw himself as a monster, leaving his French family behind, finding a new woman and having children with her on the island. Maybe he didn't just do it out of pure fun, adventure and lust.
I thought .. did he beat himself up for leaving them behind? Was he proud of his choice? Did he know it was right anyway?
One thing is sure, he listened to his art more than anything.
For that - I admire him for.. through all the bad decisions, he risked and went for adventure to pursue what his heart desired and need to fulfill.
You may very well disagree. That's okay!.... Remember I was created from his blood and genes. - I think a lot of it has passed through the generations. There's a lot of artists in our family. Perhaps I'll create a grand story from reliving his grand visions!
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I studied the other painters of his time and the short period after. They were all around the museum.
I also saw Monet's water lilies. It was fascinating for me to see hoe everything between the sky and the water was illustrated by simply reflecting clouds in the lily-pond. I love the idea of his whole world being seen from his small garden. I also find it fascinating that he painted 40 large paintings of his water lilies. Most of them are humongous!
I find Monets technique very calm and healing in a way. It's not so detailed, mostly because the paintings are so big.. therefore his art is like a feeling that just takes place int he room, not one that asks for much attention.
I saw Vincent Van Gogh's 'The Starry night', and as I write and recall this, I am listening to Don McLean's song written about Van Gogh and the story behind this painting: 'Starry, starry night'.
His technique is interesting. The 'waves' that combine everything in his paintings are in one way setting us on this dreamy level, in another level it's sickness and dizziness.. like you're standing on a rocky boat.
His brush strokes are very thin and almost the precise same size for every stroke on the whole painting.
Picasso works in shapes and lines, almost always working on the structure of the human body. These shapes was a technique he started called cubism. His colors are grayish and often pale.
I loved one quote of his: "landscape should be painted with eyes and not the prejudice in our heads". - This hanging next to a painting of the green, not so extraordinarily beautiful or overwhelming, but fantastic in the color work and spontaneity.
Rousseau painted 25 paintings about the jungle, never having been there.. in fact never leaving France. However, his art was about fantasy and imagery.
Cezanne uses very thick brush strokes and multiple colors. I find his paintings amongst my favorite. They are so warm and soothing for the soul.
Seurat uses dots... and only dots. Even though I don't think I'd choose one of his paintings for my living room, just because they stand out more than mending with the space around it. However, I think he has one of the techniques I am most fascinated by. His technique of only painting tiny tiny dots one after one, till they assemble a beautiful sunset or river is just so fascinating in the way that it's a very time consuming and precise method that most have required a whole lot of patience and trust in the result.
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I decided I of course wouldn't leave without seeing the other floors. I had to laugh so many times (not out loud ofcourse).. walking through parts of the modern arts. But I suppose that's the kind of reaction these artist are looking for too!
Below you see a cage with connecting points made of potatoes. For the sake of the building, I hope this will be thrown out as soon as the potatoes start to rot!
Also below is a painting of stars and stripes, which I thought was pretty cool, being reminded once again where I am. I thought it funny that there was a note on the side sharing a quote from an art critique: "Is this a flag or a painting?.."
This was my favorite. In a way it says so much by saying so little. Or.. you know what I mean. To the right was a piece of art I felt should've won the price... I don't think the museum would agree though, because then again it was just me taking a picture of the toilet covers in the bathroom..
Outside was a wonderful little green called 'The Sculpture garden'. Here were a few things of Picasso for instance. I also found a huge sculpture that I thought I'd place in my garden, - if I had a big American Diva size lane - a rose, very well like the Beauty and the beast symbol.
On my way home, I walked through some of the shops down in Rockerfeller center... just because I've never really been looking around there.. actually it was quite special just walking up 5th avenue again. The last time I did that in the same 'touristy' way was my first day in the city with the Wittenbergs.
- They are by the way in NC right now, celebrating and embracing Meaghan's son, Liam, their first grandchild! I am very happy for them and I ask that you pray for the family.
After a day of exhibitions, books and just basically being filled with lots of 'knowledge', I feel like nothing else but reading.. there are so many books I need to get started with. I have a very exciting collecting, and this morning my dad even told me he'd sent me two!.. along with the bouquet of flowers I posted pictures of yesterday... which by the way reminds me of this very important matter:
That I have FOUND my flower!
It was right there in front of me, beautifully decorated in the bouquet. I knew I'd seen it before somewhere special, a place I can't remember.. maybe in my dreams.. but anyhow, I am as certain as can be.
.. I don't remember how these two things linked together.. but when I promised my grandma to get married in her chapel by their house in Portugal, she spoke of decorating my long hair with flowers from their garden - and these were the exact flowers I pictured, only in white. My dad says they are in white, pink and sometimes orange.
It means so much to find your 'favorites'. It may seem like a small silly thing.. but really, if you haven't found YOUR flower, fruit, weather, clothes shop... there's a part of yourself you don't know about. This flower for me, is like finding my favorite role.
See, because it's not just about finding the roles you 'like', it's about finding what's you.. because in fact - and the very beautiful thing about art in this world is that - there are roles created FOR you. When you look around and find what's truly yours and you in the most pure version, you have become billions richer from the depth of your soul.
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Tomorrow morning I'm going to school because we have been offered a class this summer from a Tony-winning Broadway artist. I am excited to meet, perform and learn from her.
- I decided to bring the song 'How could I ever know' from The Secret garden, having been filled with so much from that story these past days.
So, now I want to sleep to be rested for the morning.. which is followed by a direct travel to Hershey's for commisioning weekend with the Salvation Army. I bet I will even more tired tomorrow night; but sure up for an adventure! - I have a feeling I will be tasting some chocolate!
- kisses and goodnight to everyone! X
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