"You inspire me to believe"

Hello Readers!

Taking your morning tea/coffee with me?? :)

This weekend I was on Long Island in West Hempstead at the family's house.

I basically just chilled, chilled and chilled... and HOW I needed that.

This was how I could get my homework done, while chilling at the same time:

- Notating the scansion on Shakespeare lines on the train to Long Island (making the 35 minutes pass in no time!)

- sitting in the garden out in the sun, writing my 300 word essay for Performance lab

- watching 'Fiddler on the roof' (the typical length of a musical - 3,5 hours!) in the basement with Jake (that place is a heaven of couches!)

Musical theatre hmw is not so bad!

Shakespeare lines and scansion notated above

Jake and Niya chilling with me Sunday afternoon

Song work and assignment for performance lab!

However, even though it's very inspiring to work with so many texts, it's also very time-consuming (of that time I don't have much of). I'm trying to keep up with all the wonderful stories in my head, but sometimes it slips. I'll learn ;)

At the moment I have Lady Thiang from 'The King and I', Jessica from 'A Chorus line', Viola from 'Twelfth night', my grandma, Hope from 'Anything goes', Lorry from 'Oklahoma', the ensemble of 'All shook up', the ensemble of 'Atlantic city' and the children of 'The Sound of Music' in my mind.

Just for next week...

*

There were a lot of special and intense moments for me this weekend:

Friday night after school, I was overwhelmed by a message my good friend Caroline sent me. I have asked for her permission to share a part of it:

..."Your love and your greatness is very touching and I felt so joyful when I read about your life and your adventure. I've never met anyone with such a great amount of will power and beliefs.

The small Danish folks would call it: dreaming, unrealistic and waaaaay too hard for such a young girl.
And how you proved them WRONG. You have no idea of how much respect I have for you. You inspire me to believe and go out there and become what I want."

I find this message really touching, because it made me think that I have absolutely no idea who hears all my 'blog thoughts'. Yet, almost every day, I am surprised by people I haven't talked with for - sometimes - years, who tell me that they eagerly read every single post the minute it gets out.
I really thank you all, and especially the ones of you who have told me you are very moved by my posts. It makes me very happy. 

Caroline drew me this picture of me when we were 14 years old.

"Hold on to your dream"

And how Caroline had me in tears of fondness, writing the message above to me, because what she says is exactly what I would be proud of doing.
Achieving my dream to show people that dreams can be achieved is probably one of the greatest parts of achieving it.

. . . .You know, it's easy to think that going for your dream is something you do for your own benefit.
But I think I have realized on the way, that there are so many people I have affected with my dream.

- People in my family who saw the true core of me and have believed in that part since. My dad who tells my siblings to look up to me. Trusting to believe in themselves, like their big sister does.
- My best friend who determinedly said that I with no exception HAD to become a singer, the day she first heard me sing (as maybe an 8-year old) ... and she had me sing covers for her that she filmed and posted on youtube. Now she is in California studying film production, looking forward to the time we both graduate, so we can work professionally together with publishing my songs in music videos.
- My grandma who could only ever fulfill the dream she had of being a performer in the theatre world, through the achievement of mine.
- My friends who at a young age dreamed along with me of becoming famous singers - and were surprised that when we'd grown up and they had backed out of that young girl's 'disney-like' dream a long time ago, they watched how I'd turned that dream into something realistic and kept on working for that.

So, who am I kidding?.....  - of course my dream is for you too!
And my dream would not be of much value, if there is no-one to come and see me when I, after years of learning, can finally share it onstage.

.....I don't think I ever fully understood why my friends were so surprised at me working for my dream so determinedly.
To me it seemed so natural to just go for the biggest thing you wanted. I just couldn't see no other meaning, besides that.
To me - working hard was never as hard as they thought it was for me, knowing that I worked for my biggest desire.

*

Another special thing this weekend was video chatting with 2 of my best friends, Christa and Helene (who also came to wave goodbye to me in the airport).
AND I also video chatted with my whole family. I hadn't seen my siblings since waving goodbye to them in the airport, - so seeing them now on a full screen very cheerful and much grown up was wonderful.

In the afternoon, I was being told about the requiem's mass for my grandma Monday. Knowing that it has now been a month since my grandma died is absolutely unbelievable. But I felt blessed to hear that the greater part of my Danish family that couldn't make it to the funeral in Portugal was there. Family and friends from both my mum's and dad's side gathered in memory and grief of my loving grandma.

- I thank everyone of you who lid candles, prayed or just spared a thought for us in these difficult times. Your support and act of love means so much to me.

And a couple of days ago, I received a package from my mum, which contained two of my grandmas silk shirts.

I have worn them these last couple of days with pride and love, and sitting here at school - wearing the same shirt for the 3rd time, I am still able to smell her in the shirt.

*

The third special moment I had was at church, Sunday morning. A lady whom I'd been introduced to once before a couple of weeks ago, came up to me and let me know how nice it was to see me again. She then said, "I just have to hug you, because you look so happy. I am so glad you're here."
And I thought - wow how special. That doesn't happen every day. But anyhow.. it certainly happens in Hempstead Citadel corps.
-
My writing was just interrupted for a while...

... when Susan called!:)

*

When I was on my train ride back from Long Island, I had a moment of new thoughts.
I took some time to look at myself from the outside. Who I had become throughout this month in New York.
And from there, I saw my new routine and my new social network.

I noticed how extremely different that person was, from just a month back.

I remembered how I had logged on facebook earlier that day to video chat with friends and family. As usual different statuses and pictures popped up on the home page. But that afternoon some people popped up on the screen, which I was suddenly reminded of - and by that suddenly realizing that I had put those people and places so far back in my mind.

Like the person that I'd always meet on my bike ride to school, or the person I always met in the rehearsal rooms at school, or someone I was once in love with, or someone I once had a huge argument with. And I was reminded of all those places I had met the people at, and the funny habits I had and the kind of things that could irritate me (like the 4a bus that never comes on time, especially during the frosty winter).

And it really is strange. But I was reminded of so many things, suddenly remembering how much those things meant to me - small or big things, they were the things that filled my day.
But not being reminded at all of all those people and the funny routines I had every day, makes them seem so far away. And can you believe it - that 'old' chain of thoughts is only a month away!

Being able to have left everything behind and find my spot in what seems like another universe; with no-one I knew before, no places I'd been to before, no routines that looked like mine before, no weather quite like the ones I had before, no language like the one I came from, and definitely no culture like before. Being able to do that creates the biggest change of thoughts you can imagine.

All these new people, places and experiences are the different things that create my new strings of thought. They make me think in another way, they give me other needs, the make me feel other things, and they make me make different decisions.

It's interesting to think about which people that are mostly on your mind during the day.

A couple of months, back in Denmark, the people who crossed my mind frequently were:
- The people I filmed my music videos with because it was a very intense project and we had to stay in contact the whole time to be fully updated and prepared for the next film set
- My parents crossed my mind many times a day, every day, because I thought a lot about how precious these last few weeks were with them. I wrote to them to hear when they were off from work, what we should make for dinner, what special things we should do as a family today ... and so forth.
- My private singing teacher was one of my biggest inspirations in the High school years, because she was the first teacher to hear my voice and encourage me to develop it. And in the last few weeks I talked with her a lot about my journey in New York (one of the same kind, she had taken at the Danish Academy of Musical Theatre) and I sang through parts of my repertoire for her, before going to all my auditions.
- My teachers from high school crossed my mind a lot, in the weeks up to my graduation, because I thought about the 3 good years I'd had with them.
- My 3-4 different bosses, which I tried to please equally, but still drove me nuts for not caring about my sleep or any free time!
- Some of my class mates crossed my mind because I thought a lot about where they'd all fly to and which choices they'd make after 13 years of school!

All those people you have the most appointments with and the ones who have an impact on you or those you just need or depend on to keep your tight schedule from not falling apart!

And oh my gosh and get outta town has this list not changed drastically!!

People who now cross my mind numerous times daily are the Wittenberg's, my teachers at school who I either can't wait to be inspired by or fear a bit to be pushed by, some of my class mates who I've connected with in special ways through Meisner, my grandma, people I meet at Hempstead corps every sunday, the lady at the front desk in the residence who just won't smile even though I greet her every day and the children I'm teaching drama.

So, sitting in the train back to Manhattan Sunday evening, I thought to myself: wow - this particular girl, with these connections, she could have been someone I made up from scratch, playing with my imagination a year ago.

"A young girl lives on West 13th street on Manhattan. Every morning she takes the subway to one of USA's top drama schools. She comes home late every day, and eats at her residence among other women. Before going to bed she goes to the concert hall in the building of her residence, where she rehearses and goes through her homework for her intensive school program.
In the weekends she visits an American family who has embraced her as a member of their family, because she has no-one else. She travels to their house on Long Island to get a good night's sleep and rest from the daily rush, and she attends their traditions and meetings at their Salvation Army church in Hempstead."

This is what the girl sleeps in (yes very classic American college-like blanket!):

(The girl's new favourite blanket 

- given to her by the American family

from their annual trip to North Carolina)

This is what the girl's food drawer looks like (again - classic American college student!):

(Snacks for the long school days.

Semi-poor, but well healthy!)

This is the girl's tea shelf, which calms her every night, and wakes her every morning:

(Lemon tea, Jasmine tea, Yogi calm tea,

Perch's tea, Kusmi tea, English black tea, Charmomille tea)

*

A year ago, I could never have guessed this story in these places, with these connections. But it sure is an interesting story. I think there's so much more ahead for this girl.

So,- especially if this blog could be turned into a book one day -
I'll keep the story rolling.
.........

Following up on the headline. A friend said those words to me, yes.. However, I have also realized this. Since my dream is not just for me, but for so many other people I care about. When I feel lost and tired of always keeping my head up, continuously fighting to do my best.
You inspire me to believe.

     

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