A new girl in a new place

Today, on my way from the diner to my room, I met a new guest in the elevator who had just arrived to the city.
She was tiredly dragging her massive suitcase after her, confusingly asking questions about the rules and procedures in the building to the woman from the Markle who guided her and determinedly greeting me, probably hoping I could be at least the one friendly soul she could greet when she in the next couple of weeks would walk through the halls of the buildings.

Wow! I thought.. was that not just me 5 weeks ago?
How scared the girl in the elevator looked, - but at the same time very excited. And she had every good reason to.

I don't think I can allow myself to call myself 'the new girl' anymore.
I haven't been for a while. The daily routines started weeks ago, and I don't have the need of always finding a new face in the building, to feel safe with the people around me.

I am a part of this place now, even though I feel it completely or not.

And it's funny, because when I walked down 13th street today I strangely caught myself thinking that 'I was heading to my current room in the Markle'. As in - this is the place I am now. It didn't think of it as a place I had rooted myself in. I'm still not completely familiar with the place.

It's not a home, where I open the door and shout "I'm home" - walking through the many rooms, checking who's there, cuddling the cat, opening the door to the balcony to smell the flowers from the pots, looking through the fridge for favourite foods, taking the dishes and putting on music on a high level.

My house in Malawi had a different routine, my house in Kenya a 3rd, my first apartment in Denmark a 4th.
No my new place doesn't have the same kind of routine.
There's routine - but not the same feeling about it.

But now when I think of it, even though my new way of living needs a lot more bravery, I really think it is the best way of living.

To not be too stuck on one place, because then every new place is just a link in your journey.

I am actually not sure if I'm making any sense out of this for you....

- But see it this way. If you're too familiar and personally attached to a place, it's more difficult to leave.
It holds you back from flying.

It feels like there are more things you leave behind, than the things you will find ahead.
BUT if I'm certain about one thing, it is that that is definitely not true.

Oh, what an ocean of places, experiences, people and dreams that lie ahead of each one of us.

What an ocean of memories I have had form 2 years in Malawi. And just like each of those images, I remember just as clear the day in Copenhagen's airport. As a 12-year old girl, my whole world evolved my school and friends and hobbies, and being taken away from that felt like the world had come to an end.
Literally. I was hulking. And I was so mad at my parents for making this very spontaneous decision.
I think I even tried to fast forward the two years in my mind, to the day we'd return. I imagined how relieved I was, and how that moment was bound to be the best thing that had happened to me in the 2 years of 'waiting'.

Turns out - it was quite the opposite.
Coming back was probably 10 times more difficult than going there. It was heartbreakingly difficult, and we all felt like we were returning to a hollow world with no adventures.
How much of a better, maturer and brighter person I had become of seeing the world outside my original 'shelter'.

As a matter of fact, when people ask where I'm from, I sometimes reply that a part of me is Malawian. No blood relation or pass port - but that very special part of my heart.

JUST IMAGINE if I were to make that decision in the airport. I would without a doubt have gone back to my shelter.
And my 2 years would have seen maybe a 10th of what I'd seen in Africa. Or maybe seen as much, but learnt a 10th of what life taught me in Africa.

And I repeat myself from earlier:
Oh, what an ocean of places, experiences, people and dreams that lie ahead of each one of us.

I'm not just talking to my young friends. Mum! Granddad! How many times have you not looked back on decades, thinking "What a wonderful life I've had!". And do you remember how much more you saw in the years after saying that?
Life and its opportunity is not just the young age. Some may not agree with me. But I think the older you get, the more you settle. The more difficult it is to take a spontaneous turn.

One of my good friends once shared this quote with me:

"I always wonder why birds choose to stay in the same place when they can fly anywhere on the earth, then I ask myself the same question."

Have good flight tomorrow! Hope you see something new.

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