For some miraculous reason I am now very pleased, eager and comfortable with my learning process today.
I am not scared or nervous, or even perfectionistic - I am just learning and taking things in as they come.
Looking in the mirror on my way out of the girl's bathroom, I see the evidence of not enough sleep from the resemblance I got of mashed potatoes looking at my face. Usually this would kill me on a school day at school because I think a big part of doing your best and being well-presented is looking your best.
But no - today I looked at my face and was happy, I just saw my reflection in the mirror saying, "Awesome, today I am just human."
In a very beautiful way I chose to be human for the day, nothing less, nothing more.
It sounds down right ridiculous this thought doesn't come naturally to me waking up any day of my life, right?
But truly, attending an elite school the pressure keeps making you feel that what you do is never enough. You always want to be and look better.
Here's the magic part of this whole secret.... and the one thing that our teacher's desperately try to get into our heads OVER and OVER again; the biggest, most beautiful and most awesome way of showing yourself is, - quite ironically (as I already mentioned it in the sentence) - being YOURSELF.
But what does that mean?
- how do you show that.. which part of it? Is everything valid? What's appropriate?
Learning this career is about learning yourself, and the biggest education we are going through is learning WHO we are. Sure, in a few words and with a lot of experiences and random facts, I could talk about who I am.... but underneath all that.. WHO am I really?
I could work on some adjectives to describe myself.
But truly, this is about knowing what kind of treasure it is I bring into the room of an audition.
I need to know what I can do, that no - one else can.
Beautifully - everyone has that in them.
.. and sadly for this type of career - when walking into an audition room, it often only becomes visible when you are aware of what it is.
OK - long talk.
So what suddenly flipped my day around? What made me change for my audition technique class?
1. I got a coffee downstairs (with hazelnut and vanilla taste in it!).. one reason, I almost fell asleep in my combat class. Yep - you know you're well tired when you almost fall asleep while being punched in the face or giving someone a kick in between the legs.
Literally, not as extreme.. but yes, doing tumble turns on the mat in the class room almost felt like a pleasant roll onto a comfy bed. Which it so wasn't, because I accidentally bruised my shoulder just slightly..
- option number -...
2. My audition tech teacher started the 12:30 class by asking us what we wanted to do better from yesterday. And this is such an important part to consider, because sometimes running through the days of your calender, it is sometimes forgotten than the purpose is not too get through the days harmless, but to explore, search, dare and learn something new every day. Becoming a better actor, dancer and singer every day. But most importantly becoming a better person. Working on yourself with minor steps each day is the key to success.
So my teacher asked this question and it really made me think and pay attention to what I wanted to learn today and knowing where I was at - just working from that, and not just what I had planned on the paper. This last thing is what I said I wanted out of this day.
It is crucially important doing the work from where you're at right in the moment. . Anything else is either hollow or planned - meaning if things don't go as planned my brain well acknowledge that as a failure or mistake, because all the things in between are out of control. But see, here's the thing - above all acting is out of control. The truthful acting comes from working on what's in the moment.
I also said I'd relax and enjoy for this day.
It just made me think - being a perfectionist means that you always plan out and always have an ideal outcome. It means never being completely satisfied. . Because of course things don't always go exactly as planned. . Quite frankly it would be freaky if two completely identical moments existed.
And like flipping a plate, my mood and attitude changed for the entire day, when I came out of the audition room, because I had succeeded entirely in what I had wanted from this audition. - taking what's in the moment, and have fun. And for the first time in my life, I actually felt like I had been myself 100% in the room. It's the most difficult thing ever. . Not trying to be professional and act and look like I'm pleading for the job.
I did have so much fun - I got to do a cart weil and do a funny Lazzi (classical Italian sketches).
Gettin that moment on my day brightened. I had lunch with my grandparents and then I went to ballroom dancing. .we had a lot of fun with choreographing today and then spring awakening rehearsal this evening with my cast - and this was the best run through I've ever had. Especially the heartbreaking end number found its power tonight.
I am falling asleep. . And actually not entirely aware of what I've been writing these last paragraphs.
Man, I'm tired. Gotta go sleep.
Big hug.x
Monday, April 21, 2014
Monday morning after Easter
Man, it's difficult to leave my grandparents in a cozy home at morning to go to school. I woke up knowing that I'd been sound asleep all night, a wonderful feeling. But, I guess rather wanting to stay in and drink tea doesn't support having to leave the door at 8am.
My grandad woke me by taking dozens of pictures in my face, while I was sleeping like a puppy. . At least that's what I hope I looked like, otherwise I shall have to delete a part of his memory card!
Sweet and actually weird being loved in that way. They love me very much, indeed. On Wednesday they're taking me to The Lion King on Broadway. I am indescribably exited :D
What else is new? .. Clara my sister who's very much already a teenager, even though she's not actually in her teens anymore, just got a Facebook account. That means growing up, and being trusted and being well responsible in our house.
My dad is in Portugal this instant. I am very happy for both him and my grandad. Yet, for the first time since my grandma passed away, I felt a sting of a longing, but also responsibility of that home in Alcabideche. I thought I was okay with not really leaving my plans here for years, and mostly because I am certain of what my grandma would want. But just for a bit, I felt like I needed and was equally needed in Portugal for healing, support and packing of the clothes and jewelry that my grandad still hasn't had the energy to deal with entirely.
*
It kind of sucks, and I apologise for my attitude, but part of the reason I'm so tired and unwilling of school this morning is because my first class iswhat I'd almost dare to qualify as pure boredom. Seriously, stage combat is one of the most boring things in my life at the moment. Usually I am NEVER bored. . And I actually think most of you know me well enough to know that. But 3 hours of learning how to fake slap, punch and fall/faint in dozens of different ways is just so boring, when you've had that training before. . And also when you find that mistakes in this class leads to a painful real slap on the cheek or a bruise on the knee for not landing properly.
I try to enjoy it, I really do, but I would just rather sleep or something. .:/ #badattitude #lazy #justnotborntowrestle #girlsaren'tmeanttofight ..
If anything. . I'd rather learn how to take a real punch if I ever need it for protecting myself in the city or daring show a guy what they sometimes deserve. .!
We'll see if it's as boring today. . Off to class. It is now 8:50 and the next time I leave this building to end my day and recharge, it will be 10:00.I only pray my mind will be fresh to memorize those 2 pages of text for Meisner tomorrow.
Today a full run of our musical Spring awakening will also happen. This is very exciting. . And nerve wrecking all at once. I will make sure to let you know how it goes.
See you soon. X
My grandad woke me by taking dozens of pictures in my face, while I was sleeping like a puppy. . At least that's what I hope I looked like, otherwise I shall have to delete a part of his memory card!
Sweet and actually weird being loved in that way. They love me very much, indeed. On Wednesday they're taking me to The Lion King on Broadway. I am indescribably exited :D
What else is new? .. Clara my sister who's very much already a teenager, even though she's not actually in her teens anymore, just got a Facebook account. That means growing up, and being trusted and being well responsible in our house.
My dad is in Portugal this instant. I am very happy for both him and my grandad. Yet, for the first time since my grandma passed away, I felt a sting of a longing, but also responsibility of that home in Alcabideche. I thought I was okay with not really leaving my plans here for years, and mostly because I am certain of what my grandma would want. But just for a bit, I felt like I needed and was equally needed in Portugal for healing, support and packing of the clothes and jewelry that my grandad still hasn't had the energy to deal with entirely.
*
It kind of sucks, and I apologise for my attitude, but part of the reason I'm so tired and unwilling of school this morning is because my first class iswhat I'd almost dare to qualify as pure boredom. Seriously, stage combat is one of the most boring things in my life at the moment. Usually I am NEVER bored. . And I actually think most of you know me well enough to know that. But 3 hours of learning how to fake slap, punch and fall/faint in dozens of different ways is just so boring, when you've had that training before. . And also when you find that mistakes in this class leads to a painful real slap on the cheek or a bruise on the knee for not landing properly.
I try to enjoy it, I really do, but I would just rather sleep or something. .:/ #badattitude #lazy #justnotborntowrestle #girlsaren'tmeanttofight ..
If anything. . I'd rather learn how to take a real punch if I ever need it for protecting myself in the city or daring show a guy what they sometimes deserve. .!
We'll see if it's as boring today. . Off to class. It is now 8:50 and the next time I leave this building to end my day and recharge, it will be 10:00.I only pray my mind will be fresh to memorize those 2 pages of text for Meisner tomorrow.
Today a full run of our musical Spring awakening will also happen. This is very exciting. . And nerve wrecking all at once. I will make sure to let you know how it goes.
See you soon. X
Sunday, April 20, 2014
Saturday before my big day. . ♡
I'd forgotten. Truly, I had forgotten how tender and special it was to write music. The kind that just clicks, because the lyrics and music go together like a perfect slice of heaven. And how filled and beautiful you feel when you experience that.
It's a part created from your soul that you know only you had the ability to produce and perform; because it's a song from your heart.
God, there really isn't anything more beautiful than that. .. and this is not me cursing or misusing the name of God. . This is actually me saying directly to God - thank you for reminding me how special songs from the heart are and for giving me ability to play them.
This is how every sing in musical theatre should be performed too, but as an artist it's more difficult to reach that level of personal relationship with the song, because it was written, composed and performed over and over again by so many other people before you.
But really, every known material should feel as pure and personal when you perform it, because it now comes out of your mouth. New visions are seen, because it's with your eyes, and new things are felt because it's this time in your body. A totally new song because it's from your heart, and your heart only for this little precious time.
And these are the feelings I have after 1 hours work on finishing my testimony for my soldier enrollment tomorrow, Easter Sunday. Yes, I composed my testimony. I don't think many soldiers can say that. I think it's very cool. But even if it's admirable, it's no where near the reason I did it (just because I can)... it's very simply because music is the way I understand and know best how to communicate.
Looking around in the subway for a few seconds, I am quite amazed by how we randomly meet things along or way that assemble our recent thoughts or matters we spend a lot of time on.
Beside me is a woman reading the bible, and opposite me is a man with a jacket that has a print of the nativity story.
I think there's a reason for these people sitting here in particular. I have never seen bible readers on the train, apart from myself.
They are sitting in the same train as me because I had a wonderful filling of God's love yesterday at the big Good Friday meeting, because I am seeking God more especially these days and because I'm getting enrolled as a soldier in the salvation army at Hempstead corps tomorrow.
This is destiny's way of preparing myself and helping me look forward to this special day that I have been waiting for with overwhelmingness ever since my heart was called to fulfill the long wanted wish 4 months ago.
What a beautiful preparation.
It's a part created from your soul that you know only you had the ability to produce and perform; because it's a song from your heart.
God, there really isn't anything more beautiful than that. .. and this is not me cursing or misusing the name of God. . This is actually me saying directly to God - thank you for reminding me how special songs from the heart are and for giving me ability to play them.
This is how every sing in musical theatre should be performed too, but as an artist it's more difficult to reach that level of personal relationship with the song, because it was written, composed and performed over and over again by so many other people before you.
But really, every known material should feel as pure and personal when you perform it, because it now comes out of your mouth. New visions are seen, because it's with your eyes, and new things are felt because it's this time in your body. A totally new song because it's from your heart, and your heart only for this little precious time.
And these are the feelings I have after 1 hours work on finishing my testimony for my soldier enrollment tomorrow, Easter Sunday. Yes, I composed my testimony. I don't think many soldiers can say that. I think it's very cool. But even if it's admirable, it's no where near the reason I did it (just because I can)... it's very simply because music is the way I understand and know best how to communicate.
Looking around in the subway for a few seconds, I am quite amazed by how we randomly meet things along or way that assemble our recent thoughts or matters we spend a lot of time on.
Beside me is a woman reading the bible, and opposite me is a man with a jacket that has a print of the nativity story.
I think there's a reason for these people sitting here in particular. I have never seen bible readers on the train, apart from myself.
They are sitting in the same train as me because I had a wonderful filling of God's love yesterday at the big Good Friday meeting, because I am seeking God more especially these days and because I'm getting enrolled as a soldier in the salvation army at Hempstead corps tomorrow.
This is destiny's way of preparing myself and helping me look forward to this special day that I have been waiting for with overwhelmingness ever since my heart was called to fulfill the long wanted wish 4 months ago.
What a beautiful preparation.
Give it room. Let it shine. Find your reason to rejoice.
I have had this post in a draft for about a week, and for so long i have wanted to share it, but i wanted to wait till i could get a few pictures with it.
I am restless, trying to find the time to finally get to the time I'm actually at now.
But One thing at a time!
So a couple of weeks ago I needed to talk to my dance teachers about classes, and the stress of wanting to be better than I am in the art - (the mind of a perfectionist)..
But she said that; I have probably come farthest of all the students at this school. She said she wished she could have shown me videos of me from 6 months ago. My muscles have changed so much. From starting dancing from scratch I have now gone to a triple pirouette.
WOw, I say, that's actually pretty impressive, I suddenly think to myself. Very very impressive!
Why shouldn't I be proud then?
...Good job my love, I say
Today is SUCH a lovely weather. Spring is in the air, the smells from nature are slowly overlapping the frost on the nose.
This morning I had my costume fitting for Ilse in Spring Awakening.
The place was at Fordham university. Such a cool theatre. First very original ChrIstine I ever had on. They were rented from a theatre in Oklahoma. I did there in the mirror and looked at Ilses physics and her physical behavior.
*
Now I am sitting on the fountain by Lincoln center. What a place!
A little ballerina in full costume just walked out to take pictures.
This is the center of art and so very inspiring. I am lying by the fountain looking straight down into the water.
Hundreds of coins are thrown into the water. Perhaps this has been from artists who wished for luck in fulfilling their dreams through the world of art. At least I did. . Or will do now. .. *plop*
Now the city knows all about it.
I just spoke to my family over Skype. All of them. They were gathered in my childhood apartment for my brothers bIrthday.
...
Wow my thoughts keep being interrupted, I'm telling you there's nothing like sitting by this fountain. It's nice to pretend that I belong here in the ballerina world. And then I look down on my legs that are awkwardly turned out and my crooked lower back. . Yicks!! I feel fat and uneven. The thinner the closer my heels can be tucked by my toes in 5th position .. the greater lines, the closer to a figure in a music box I am.
I want to feel that aligned with my body. Which is why I decided not too easy anything more than what's in my bag for the day. . Which is an Apple, an orange, a granola bar, baby carrots and tomatoes and a bag of salt crackers and lots of water.
We will see if I can keep it. .I've tried every day the past few weeks. .I always get so hungry. . But I think a good plan is to eat a lot when I am very active. . On the days I have dance. . On days on a chair in class,
It's better not to feed a creature sitting down. . It's only gonna be gained. Jeez the irony. . I think this is a sick and messed up theory. But whatever it takes, I figured.
I think I have a better chance than anyone else at school. A couple of days ago. . When I had a sudden breakdown because I felt like I want improving as fast as I could, my teacher came over to me and told me that I was the one who had improved most out of every one. That is something to be very proud of.
A little boy, about 6 years old, just threw a coin in the fountain. What's your wish?, I thought.
*
Funny how things work out on life. Yesterday I had a major breakdown because I found myself mentioning that I worked 6 jobs on top of high school studies to get here . After that had sunk in and i was reminded of ask the work I had done for this dream.
I burst into tears, and I couldn't stop..I thought, I had wasted that first semester with doubt, distress and in confidence in myself. I hadn't allowed myself to blossom like the girl I saw in my dreams. I realised that its hard work all the way - most of all when you reached your goal, because you need a spine of steel and trust in knowing that you're worthy and deserve it.
Believe it or not. . That is the hardest part - understanding that we're worthy of the things achieved in life. Isn't that ironic, the biggest resistance of yourself is you. Such a melancholic feeling i had, almost an out of body experience. . Seeing myself from the outside. This girl who keeps fighting and dreaming. . And ALL of that takes place in one tiny soul. Just take a second and think about yourself. Isn't it the weirdest feeling ever. . Noticing how your whole perspective, the dreams, goals, plans, fears take place in one soul. So fragile, so private. So tender and beautiful. And everywhere we walk there. Are oceans and mountains full of unique stories in each little human being. Funny. .I just kept on writing this sentence, without thinking how I should end it, and my fingers typed 'little', without my head planning it. I think that says something. We're ask just as small, and yet just as enormous. Seriously, I don't know what I'd do if I wasn't an artist, if I couldn't learn from this world. Where would I be?
So the story of the breakdown finishes when I walk into performance class and perform the sing dancing all the time from big the musical, and I was able to put all of my feelings into the song. I have never done better in that class, and my teacher took great notice of that. He said, "your pure sensitivity is so very beautiful. Isn't she lovely?". He turned to the class and asked. That moment I was certain that I had something no one else could give, and now people knew.
I didn't feel like a soulless creature will was invisible in the world anymore. I am doing so well, and I should be proud. More hard work. . It's like a high when it pays off!
Now I'll finish for now to go to the library and get some old Meryl Streep movies, ballet books abd biographies of agnes De Mille and sheet music for my next song in work. Ttyl
*
I couldn't check out the books I wanted, because the old treasures were forbidden outside the library.. So I might find some of them online.
In about a month's time I am going to see my first ballet performance in a longggggg time, I can't wait!!
I am so very excited about the weather change, I know it will give me renewed energy. I am looking forward to see how much more it can do for me.
*
After rehearsals I went to a comedy musical that my teacher Kristy Cates is in. Very exciting. I am always so happy and inspired by seeing my teachers' works. Going to school has never been better, because you learn just as much about your teachers as what they're teaching about. . And them about you. It's a wonderful world, when you see it from this perspective.
*
My voice has been ruined for the day, and us killing me, because i really didn't make a smart choice today of pushing my voice too much. . Because the parts are lower than where my comfortable range lies. So tomorrow I bet I will wake up cranky and worse than today. . But Tonight I will do my best of resting with tea.
*
I sleept on my roof top last night, and out was the best thing I had done for myself in a long time. It was windy, so therefore a but cool. .I wore jogging trousers, a sweater and had a blanket wrapped around me. At some point I woke up and had to get my duvet from downstairs. It was taking me some time to get used to sleeping in such a fresh environment. . Usually my room is overheated or overfarted and having the window open doesn't make much of a difference.
It was such a perfect time for me, and again. ..I can't believe I am so lucky to be here.
I was quite tired today, I don't know why. . Maybe because I didn't eat so much. . And also my throat got really bad again today. I don't know why, and it's getting frustrated. ..
I just came from rehearsal. . It is now 9:59 and I am in the subway, almost falling asleep over my phone. This is my stop on the subway.
...
Oh man - I did it again. .I thought I could have posted far more than this and at least get half a week further ahead on what's been happening this past week.
Here's what will hopefully soon be coming up:
- Aladdin.. for entertainment, not storytelling
- My soldier enrollment and current visit of my grandparents from Denmark
- 'Bullets over Broadway ' by new favorite director/choreographer
- Times square church in a Broadway theatre!!!
- morning walk to school seeing the city wake up
- spring dresses in a row
- Gelsey Kirkland, my ballet duplicate.. And idol...
- update on Spring awakening
- another way of getting close to heaven,-massage
- Easter munchies...
Goodnight...
*
I am restless, trying to find the time to finally get to the time I'm actually at now.
But One thing at a time!
So a couple of weeks ago I needed to talk to my dance teachers about classes, and the stress of wanting to be better than I am in the art - (the mind of a perfectionist)..
But she said that; I have probably come farthest of all the students at this school. She said she wished she could have shown me videos of me from 6 months ago. My muscles have changed so much. From starting dancing from scratch I have now gone to a triple pirouette.
WOw, I say, that's actually pretty impressive, I suddenly think to myself. Very very impressive!
Why shouldn't I be proud then?
...Good job my love, I say
Really cool building I think!
Capezio, NY; New ballet clothes for mock audition in ballet class
Today is SUCH a lovely weather. Spring is in the air, the smells from nature are slowly overlapping the frost on the nose.
This morning I had my costume fitting for Ilse in Spring Awakening.
My Ilse boots. In the style of the show and my character. I have grown to love these with every new step of the journey wearing them
The place was at Fordham university. Such a cool theatre. First very original ChrIstine I ever had on. They were rented from a theatre in Oklahoma. I did there in the mirror and looked at Ilses physics and her physical behavior.
*
Now I am sitting on the fountain by Lincoln center. What a place!
Lincoln center: the metropolitan opera, New York city ballet and the New York Philharmonic.
A little ballerina in full costume just walked out to take pictures.
This is the center of art and so very inspiring. I am lying by the fountain looking straight down into the water.
Hundreds of coins are thrown into the water. Perhaps this has been from artists who wished for luck in fulfilling their dreams through the world of art. At least I did. . Or will do now. .. *plop*
Now the city knows all about it.
...
Wow my thoughts keep being interrupted, I'm telling you there's nothing like sitting by this fountain. It's nice to pretend that I belong here in the ballerina world. And then I look down on my legs that are awkwardly turned out and my crooked lower back. . Yicks!! I feel fat and uneven. The thinner the closer my heels can be tucked by my toes in 5th position .. the greater lines, the closer to a figure in a music box I am.
I want to feel that aligned with my body. Which is why I decided not too easy anything more than what's in my bag for the day. . Which is an Apple, an orange, a granola bar, baby carrots and tomatoes and a bag of salt crackers and lots of water.
We will see if I can keep it. .I've tried every day the past few weeks. .I always get so hungry. . But I think a good plan is to eat a lot when I am very active. . On the days I have dance. . On days on a chair in class,
It's better not to feed a creature sitting down. . It's only gonna be gained. Jeez the irony. . I think this is a sick and messed up theory. But whatever it takes, I figured.
I think I have a better chance than anyone else at school. A couple of days ago. . When I had a sudden breakdown because I felt like I want improving as fast as I could, my teacher came over to me and told me that I was the one who had improved most out of every one. That is something to be very proud of.
A little boy, about 6 years old, just threw a coin in the fountain. What's your wish?, I thought.
Funny how things work out on life. Yesterday I had a major breakdown because I found myself mentioning that I worked 6 jobs on top of high school studies to get here . After that had sunk in and i was reminded of ask the work I had done for this dream.
I burst into tears, and I couldn't stop..I thought, I had wasted that first semester with doubt, distress and in confidence in myself. I hadn't allowed myself to blossom like the girl I saw in my dreams. I realised that its hard work all the way - most of all when you reached your goal, because you need a spine of steel and trust in knowing that you're worthy and deserve it.
Believe it or not. . That is the hardest part - understanding that we're worthy of the things achieved in life. Isn't that ironic, the biggest resistance of yourself is you. Such a melancholic feeling i had, almost an out of body experience. . Seeing myself from the outside. This girl who keeps fighting and dreaming. . And ALL of that takes place in one tiny soul. Just take a second and think about yourself. Isn't it the weirdest feeling ever. . Noticing how your whole perspective, the dreams, goals, plans, fears take place in one soul. So fragile, so private. So tender and beautiful. And everywhere we walk there. Are oceans and mountains full of unique stories in each little human being. Funny. .I just kept on writing this sentence, without thinking how I should end it, and my fingers typed 'little', without my head planning it. I think that says something. We're ask just as small, and yet just as enormous. Seriously, I don't know what I'd do if I wasn't an artist, if I couldn't learn from this world. Where would I be?
So the story of the breakdown finishes when I walk into performance class and perform the sing dancing all the time from big the musical, and I was able to put all of my feelings into the song. I have never done better in that class, and my teacher took great notice of that. He said, "your pure sensitivity is so very beautiful. Isn't she lovely?". He turned to the class and asked. That moment I was certain that I had something no one else could give, and now people knew.
I didn't feel like a soulless creature will was invisible in the world anymore. I am doing so well, and I should be proud. More hard work. . It's like a high when it pays off!
Now I'll finish for now to go to the library and get some old Meryl Streep movies, ballet books abd biographies of agnes De Mille and sheet music for my next song in work. Ttyl
*
I couldn't check out the books I wanted, because the old treasures were forbidden outside the library.. So I might find some of them online.
Training my 1st position waiting on the platform.
In about a month's time I am going to see my first ballet performance in a longggggg time, I can't wait!!
I am so very excited about the weather change, I know it will give me renewed energy. I am looking forward to see how much more it can do for me.
Quite a beautiful picture, isn't it? Who'd think the sun would reach the underground, usually so dark and creepy. .
*
After rehearsals I went to a comedy musical that my teacher Kristy Cates is in. Very exciting. I am always so happy and inspired by seeing my teachers' works. Going to school has never been better, because you learn just as much about your teachers as what they're teaching about. . And them about you. It's a wonderful world, when you see it from this perspective.
*
My voice has been ruined for the day, and us killing me, because i really didn't make a smart choice today of pushing my voice too much. . Because the parts are lower than where my comfortable range lies. So tomorrow I bet I will wake up cranky and worse than today. . But Tonight I will do my best of resting with tea.
*
I sleept on my roof top last night, and out was the best thing I had done for myself in a long time. It was windy, so therefore a but cool. .I wore jogging trousers, a sweater and had a blanket wrapped around me. At some point I woke up and had to get my duvet from downstairs. It was taking me some time to get used to sleeping in such a fresh environment. . Usually my room is overheated or overfarted and having the window open doesn't make much of a difference.
It was such a perfect time for me, and again. ..I can't believe I am so lucky to be here.
I was quite tired today, I don't know why. . Maybe because I didn't eat so much. . And also my throat got really bad again today. I don't know why, and it's getting frustrated. ..
I just came from rehearsal. . It is now 9:59 and I am in the subway, almost falling asleep over my phone. This is my stop on the subway.
...
Oh man - I did it again. .I thought I could have posted far more than this and at least get half a week further ahead on what's been happening this past week.
Here's what will hopefully soon be coming up:
- Aladdin.. for entertainment, not storytelling
- My soldier enrollment and current visit of my grandparents from Denmark
- 'Bullets over Broadway ' by new favorite director/choreographer
- Times square church in a Broadway theatre!!!
- morning walk to school seeing the city wake up
- spring dresses in a row
- Gelsey Kirkland, my ballet duplicate.. And idol...
- update on Spring awakening
- another way of getting close to heaven,-massage
- Easter munchies...
*
Sunday, April 6, 2014
My promise to the city in lights
The day Just flies when you spend it in a rehearsal I'm telling ya. I left home this morning at around 10, and I am on my way back on the train just now. ..6.30. All that was on for the day was private lesson and rehearsal. . Oh. . And then a bunch of other things I'll probably not be able to do before midnight strikes to another day. I've been wanting to look at ballet a lot today. I had time for dinner string this afternoon, but not as much time as I'd wanna spend on it.
I need to go tho the capezio dance store to get some tights and bottoms for an audition outfit. . We have a mock audition this Thursday. We need to prepare for a show that we think is suitable for us now. One that we would go out and audition for now, a smart choice for our age, type and how popular the show is in the country/worldwide it is playing.
I have a great idea, and I hope my teacher approves and agrees in my choice because Oklahoma is one of my standouts dream shows. I love the choreography and story, and it is an ensemble with a lot of spirit and depth.
Being in the ensemble, I would dream to be a swing/understudy for Lorry. She is one of my absolute dream roles. But the 'girls ' who play this 17 year old girl are usually close to their 30's ... just because that's about the age you get those leads.
Hmm. .. but in the meantime I can hope for roles like Eponine in les mis, Christine in phantom, belle in beauty and the beast and Beth in little women, that are roles that don't require that much dance and have been played but younger women.
For now. .. I scored my first young character of a big show - ilsa in spring awakening. I love the journey so far. A very devastating but very Brave and strong character to get under the skin of.
Looking over times square on top of the stairs in the center of the square and I am almost b having a heart attack looking over the thousands of pEople. There's not even a lot today. . Not even close to half full. . But dear Lord and all the angels there are just soooo many people.
From studying acting you really learn how unique every single person is. EVERY ONE OF THESE THOUSANDS has the ability to do something extraordinary in this city. Every single one of these people could walk into an open call audition.. One that I was fighting with all my heart to shine in.
Looking at what's ahead of me, it seems more scary for every new second I am standing here.
What is funny to see is everyone around me gazing over the city and millions of lights and Broadway signs. . All of them tourists seeing the city for the first time. .. or maybe 5th.. but out doesn't matter because New York is definitely as overwhelming and special every time you experience it. Colgate smiles are everywhere, it's quite funny, really.
Of course I just got interrupted by a woman who wanted me to take her picture. My brain was in the middle of a poetic sentence I now can't remember, but I didn't want to seem rude and give her a horrible experience of the world's busiest city, - so I put on my acting gear, "suuure".. Colgate smile in return. Well. .. zendium maybe. .a bit more flattening and boring, but I tried. .. I've been acting all day, and my mind is exhausted. The muscles need to rest!
So - back to the city. Thanks to a clever place in my text to switch the subject back again, because my fingers are starting to freeze in the awkward smartphone typing shapes. . It is quite cool in the wind. But I guess it could be worse. .I am not the half naked woman on the screen over American eagle outfitters who is modeling for a bikini advert.
Looking over the city, I realised what my teachers had been trying to tell us EVERY SINGLE day. It is a big rat race and endless fight, chance of luck/destiny/chance and lines from 5 am in the morning to get on Broadway.
Jeez.
And here it hit me that my ideal plan is not going to be fulfilled like I thought. No one finishes school aft jumps tho a lead on Broadway. They just don't. So even when this happens in one out of a gazillion chances - I will let this be up to a great surprise in my life, but not an expected plan A .. It just can't be.
I'm still a baby, I haven't even left the nest yet.
Our teachers remind us EVERY SINGLE DAY.
BUT they also tell us with their critique, compliments and love how much they believe on our success EVERY SINGLE DAY.
So here's my promise for the being of the rest of my life. I promise to do something big and bring something extraordinary to this intimidating, crazy, stressful, overwhelming, but extremely wonderful and magical city in lights.
Let the game and magic begin. !
I need to go tho the capezio dance store to get some tights and bottoms for an audition outfit. . We have a mock audition this Thursday. We need to prepare for a show that we think is suitable for us now. One that we would go out and audition for now, a smart choice for our age, type and how popular the show is in the country/worldwide it is playing.
I have a great idea, and I hope my teacher approves and agrees in my choice because Oklahoma is one of my standouts dream shows. I love the choreography and story, and it is an ensemble with a lot of spirit and depth.
Being in the ensemble, I would dream to be a swing/understudy for Lorry. She is one of my absolute dream roles. But the 'girls ' who play this 17 year old girl are usually close to their 30's ... just because that's about the age you get those leads.
Hmm. .. but in the meantime I can hope for roles like Eponine in les mis, Christine in phantom, belle in beauty and the beast and Beth in little women, that are roles that don't require that much dance and have been played but younger women.
For now. .. I scored my first young character of a big show - ilsa in spring awakening. I love the journey so far. A very devastating but very Brave and strong character to get under the skin of.
Looking over times square on top of the stairs in the center of the square and I am almost b having a heart attack looking over the thousands of pEople. There's not even a lot today. . Not even close to half full. . But dear Lord and all the angels there are just soooo many people.
From studying acting you really learn how unique every single person is. EVERY ONE OF THESE THOUSANDS has the ability to do something extraordinary in this city. Every single one of these people could walk into an open call audition.. One that I was fighting with all my heart to shine in.
Looking at what's ahead of me, it seems more scary for every new second I am standing here.
What is funny to see is everyone around me gazing over the city and millions of lights and Broadway signs. . All of them tourists seeing the city for the first time. .. or maybe 5th.. but out doesn't matter because New York is definitely as overwhelming and special every time you experience it. Colgate smiles are everywhere, it's quite funny, really.
Of course I just got interrupted by a woman who wanted me to take her picture. My brain was in the middle of a poetic sentence I now can't remember, but I didn't want to seem rude and give her a horrible experience of the world's busiest city, - so I put on my acting gear, "suuure".. Colgate smile in return. Well. .. zendium maybe. .a bit more flattening and boring, but I tried. .. I've been acting all day, and my mind is exhausted. The muscles need to rest!
So - back to the city. Thanks to a clever place in my text to switch the subject back again, because my fingers are starting to freeze in the awkward smartphone typing shapes. . It is quite cool in the wind. But I guess it could be worse. .I am not the half naked woman on the screen over American eagle outfitters who is modeling for a bikini advert.
Looking over the city, I realised what my teachers had been trying to tell us EVERY SINGLE day. It is a big rat race and endless fight, chance of luck/destiny/chance and lines from 5 am in the morning to get on Broadway.
Jeez.
And here it hit me that my ideal plan is not going to be fulfilled like I thought. No one finishes school aft jumps tho a lead on Broadway. They just don't. So even when this happens in one out of a gazillion chances - I will let this be up to a great surprise in my life, but not an expected plan A .. It just can't be.
I'm still a baby, I haven't even left the nest yet.
Our teachers remind us EVERY SINGLE DAY.
BUT they also tell us with their critique, compliments and love how much they believe on our success EVERY SINGLE DAY.
So here's my promise for the being of the rest of my life. I promise to do something big and bring something extraordinary to this intimidating, crazy, stressful, overwhelming, but extremely wonderful and magical city in lights.
Let the game and magic begin. !
Friday, April 4, 2014
One of the best days of my life
Today I learned from a great friend that with extreme lows come extreme highs. .. Another way around.
Dance day, best day of my life. Sunday there was a dance workshop at my school, because they're starting a full on intensive dance education next year. A number of students from the musical theatre course had been invited and granted a scholarship for that day, because of great devotion and work ethic in dance classes - I was one of them.
The day started with ballet, then hip hop then jazz, then contemporary. My gosh, it was amazing to dance for a whole day.
In our contemporary class with Chad, my current ballet teacher, we performed a dance that I worked on last semester too. This time with so much more heart and devotion, and I was not just moving but dancing with my soul.
On one side of the room was a goal or something that we were reaching for, on the other side was a resistance or something pulling you back. We were dancing back and forth this in the room, and I was sobbing all the way through, a few other of my fellow students too. My dance teacher cried happy tears of pride and said "I'm dancing with you kiddo".
This was one of the best days of my life. And I realize that I should never stop dancing. The amount of it I'm longing for may exceed my ability, which is what hurts the most. .. But I will keep on working. Who knows. Dreams do come true.
walking to school the next day it was raining with soft drops and freshness. The air was cool but in a fresh spring way.
And i knew that this was my new beginning.
...
I'm sitting down in the subway, it's after youth night at NY temple, I'm blessed and filled.
A girl is playing a wonderful sing on a ukulele. It sounds amazing, a sweet soft pop song, a type that I could imagine working on, and all is calmwith a suttle peace here.
I am still sick, so I am taking it slow, but it's not stopping me from wanting to do things anymore. I am aware of the rest I need, of course, but I am not going to spend a whole day in bed feeling sorry for myself. .. Then I can hardly make tea for myself.
- But I believe that healing comes from joys that you can give yourself.
No one heals in misery. . Well yes the body may, but it can take a week or more heal mentally, sometimes from just a little fever.
-
I am SO annoyed. This is the second time a great part of my post has been deleted. Unfortunately I am in bed, tired in bed after 8 hours of Dance and a regional play at night. I need to sleep before Monday starts. Saturday I had rehearsals all day and Sunday was today... whilst being sick, so tonight is precious one more.
Goodnight.
.....
Sorry, I have not had time to rewrite this last bit of the post. I will just continue from where I am now. There is so much happening all the time anyway.
Today was a wonderful day. I woke up to a lovely sunset and I found time to drink my morning tea on my roof top.
The day started lovely, and my mood was in top.
Yesterday I went shopping for the money my parents sent me for my birthday. I got some lovely dresses and new shoes.
Today I wore my new white dress which is so beautiful it me happy. I Know spring hasn't come for sure yet, it always seems to start snowing again. But I wore it to pretend that spring was here.
Yet, in the middle of the day I went downstairs of the school building to get my lunch, and I walked out shortly outside. Wow! Outside was truly shifting, even just for a second .. putting on the dress had worked, I had fooled the cold weather for today!
My ballet class today was amazing, and I was wonderful.
I did a clean triple pirouette for the first time, and I am so proud. I was so happy, I had a fantastic time.
Then I went home to go through two songs for performance lab and had a wonderful night of rehearsal.
Big kiss. X
Dance day, best day of my life. Sunday there was a dance workshop at my school, because they're starting a full on intensive dance education next year. A number of students from the musical theatre course had been invited and granted a scholarship for that day, because of great devotion and work ethic in dance classes - I was one of them.
The day started with ballet, then hip hop then jazz, then contemporary. My gosh, it was amazing to dance for a whole day.
In our contemporary class with Chad, my current ballet teacher, we performed a dance that I worked on last semester too. This time with so much more heart and devotion, and I was not just moving but dancing with my soul.
On one side of the room was a goal or something that we were reaching for, on the other side was a resistance or something pulling you back. We were dancing back and forth this in the room, and I was sobbing all the way through, a few other of my fellow students too. My dance teacher cried happy tears of pride and said "I'm dancing with you kiddo".
This was one of the best days of my life. And I realize that I should never stop dancing. The amount of it I'm longing for may exceed my ability, which is what hurts the most. .. But I will keep on working. Who knows. Dreams do come true.
walking to school the next day it was raining with soft drops and freshness. The air was cool but in a fresh spring way.
And i knew that this was my new beginning.
...
I'm sitting down in the subway, it's after youth night at NY temple, I'm blessed and filled.
A girl is playing a wonderful sing on a ukulele. It sounds amazing, a sweet soft pop song, a type that I could imagine working on, and all is calmwith a suttle peace here.
I am still sick, so I am taking it slow, but it's not stopping me from wanting to do things anymore. I am aware of the rest I need, of course, but I am not going to spend a whole day in bed feeling sorry for myself. .. Then I can hardly make tea for myself.
- But I believe that healing comes from joys that you can give yourself.
No one heals in misery. . Well yes the body may, but it can take a week or more heal mentally, sometimes from just a little fever.
-
I am SO annoyed. This is the second time a great part of my post has been deleted. Unfortunately I am in bed, tired in bed after 8 hours of Dance and a regional play at night. I need to sleep before Monday starts. Saturday I had rehearsals all day and Sunday was today... whilst being sick, so tonight is precious one more.
Goodnight.
.....
Sorry, I have not had time to rewrite this last bit of the post. I will just continue from where I am now. There is so much happening all the time anyway.
Today was a wonderful day. I woke up to a lovely sunset and I found time to drink my morning tea on my roof top.
The day started lovely, and my mood was in top.
Yesterday I went shopping for the money my parents sent me for my birthday. I got some lovely dresses and new shoes.
Today I wore my new white dress which is so beautiful it me happy. I Know spring hasn't come for sure yet, it always seems to start snowing again. But I wore it to pretend that spring was here.
Yet, in the middle of the day I went downstairs of the school building to get my lunch, and I walked out shortly outside. Wow! Outside was truly shifting, even just for a second .. putting on the dress had worked, I had fooled the cold weather for today!
My ballet class today was amazing, and I was wonderful.
I did a clean triple pirouette for the first time, and I am so proud. I was so happy, I had a fantastic time.
Then I went home to go through two songs for performance lab and had a wonderful night of rehearsal.
Big kiss. X
Sunday, March 30, 2014
Rest please, just let me rest
I just wanna be ok, today.
Walking to school with snot drifting down my face a fever and soar throat. Rehearsals and prep to school ran till 12 last night, and I was already feeling a bit miserable with a fragile voice. I think I was too hard on my voice yesterday. We went through the first scene I'm in. Choreography by Chad, man he is just so talented, it's incredible.
I had rehearsals again this Saturday. I am still sick. I had to go midday Friday to recover for the evening rehearsal. It is exciting to be there, but not very fun when your body won't allow you to do so.
By the end of the day I felt a slight dizziness, and even though I didn't exactly have a high fever, I knew my weekend should be all about resting.
Funny, but not so awesome detail. ..I to have a wisdom tooth growing out. And it may sound like a minor detail, but man that is real pain. I can't eat things that needs to be chewed thoroughly and I can't sleep on my right side of the face. It really hurts!
.. ok I realize that I am just talking about details of no interest. Now that it is actually my homework to blog everyday, I might add well focus on saying something with true meaning.
Truth is.
I am not only sick, but I have been struggling with resistance for several weeks now. Which means I lack the energy and enthusiasm to do something. Well, not something. . But intense practise and a positive mind.
I have hated not wanting much more than b just my bed at night. I'm sorry, but with days starting at 6 and coming home at 11pm, it is so difficult to want to workout, read homework and do vocal exercises. I know it sounds silly, because of course that time is meant for sleeping... But no. In the world of performing arts sleep is such an important thing, but it doesn't come before practise. I don't become a better ballet dancer by just attending the classes, I have to go through the exercises at home. And no I'm not just a perfectionist.if I want to look good at the bar, I need to make my ankles stronger, nevertheless work out to sustain the muscles and build a strong dancers core.
So I have fallen out of dance a little. Well, nor fallen, just not grown as much. I could have grown more. I just haven't had the right mind for it.
I am so tired the whole time. I hate it, but I am.
It's funny, I was talking to a friend at breakfast a few days ago, and I said I couldn't imagine what it would be like to have a day where I didn't always need more rest. Just waking up one day and not being able to sleep more or not being tired in the middle of the day -things I can't even imagine. Like seriously, I can't imagine waking up on a day off and having the energy to tourist Ny for the day.
Every Sunday I wake up around 8 maybe 9 if I'm lucky. .I still have tried to get at least 8 hours pod sleep that night... then I'll go to breakfast, dress, go to church.. and almost fall asleep at church, go back for lunch, collapse in my room and take a nap.
What?
- No energy, it's just like a circle of only sleep. All it takes is 2 hours away fun home, only around the block, and I could sleep for hours more!
I think that's scary.
Actually now when I think of it, I should embrace being sick right now. I slept all Friday. Then rehearsal at 7. Slept all Saturday, then rehearsal at 3pm. And went back to bed to lie in bed.
Tomorrow sleep, church, drama bookshop, sleep, last bit of homework, Watch a regional play in the city. . Then freaking sleep more!!!
Walking to school with snot drifting down my face a fever and soar throat. Rehearsals and prep to school ran till 12 last night, and I was already feeling a bit miserable with a fragile voice. I think I was too hard on my voice yesterday. We went through the first scene I'm in. Choreography by Chad, man he is just so talented, it's incredible.
I had rehearsals again this Saturday. I am still sick. I had to go midday Friday to recover for the evening rehearsal. It is exciting to be there, but not very fun when your body won't allow you to do so.
By the end of the day I felt a slight dizziness, and even though I didn't exactly have a high fever, I knew my weekend should be all about resting.
Funny, but not so awesome detail. ..I to have a wisdom tooth growing out. And it may sound like a minor detail, but man that is real pain. I can't eat things that needs to be chewed thoroughly and I can't sleep on my right side of the face. It really hurts!
.. ok I realize that I am just talking about details of no interest. Now that it is actually my homework to blog everyday, I might add well focus on saying something with true meaning.
Truth is.
I am not only sick, but I have been struggling with resistance for several weeks now. Which means I lack the energy and enthusiasm to do something. Well, not something. . But intense practise and a positive mind.
I have hated not wanting much more than b just my bed at night. I'm sorry, but with days starting at 6 and coming home at 11pm, it is so difficult to want to workout, read homework and do vocal exercises. I know it sounds silly, because of course that time is meant for sleeping... But no. In the world of performing arts sleep is such an important thing, but it doesn't come before practise. I don't become a better ballet dancer by just attending the classes, I have to go through the exercises at home. And no I'm not just a perfectionist.if I want to look good at the bar, I need to make my ankles stronger, nevertheless work out to sustain the muscles and build a strong dancers core.
So I have fallen out of dance a little. Well, nor fallen, just not grown as much. I could have grown more. I just haven't had the right mind for it.
I am so tired the whole time. I hate it, but I am.
It's funny, I was talking to a friend at breakfast a few days ago, and I said I couldn't imagine what it would be like to have a day where I didn't always need more rest. Just waking up one day and not being able to sleep more or not being tired in the middle of the day -things I can't even imagine. Like seriously, I can't imagine waking up on a day off and having the energy to tourist Ny for the day.
Every Sunday I wake up around 8 maybe 9 if I'm lucky. .I still have tried to get at least 8 hours pod sleep that night... then I'll go to breakfast, dress, go to church.. and almost fall asleep at church, go back for lunch, collapse in my room and take a nap.
What?
- No energy, it's just like a circle of only sleep. All it takes is 2 hours away fun home, only around the block, and I could sleep for hours more!
I think that's scary.
Actually now when I think of it, I should embrace being sick right now. I slept all Friday. Then rehearsal at 7. Slept all Saturday, then rehearsal at 3pm. And went back to bed to lie in bed.
Tomorrow sleep, church, drama bookshop, sleep, last bit of homework, Watch a regional play in the city. . Then freaking sleep more!!!
All I'm waiting for is a contrast from this low.
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