California dreamin'!

I am sitting here, by the living room table in my friend Nekisa's apartment.
She is home for a short lunch break and is busy with homework - drawing figures.

The time is 4 pm, and it feels like I almost just got up and walked her to school and shopped food for our week and then lay by her pool and swam and slept for a good hour!

Nekisa's pool. All to myself!

Nekisa's road! 'Kling's road'. Very Californian ;)

A simple shopping mall has a view to the beautiful mountains!

Being here is truly amazing, and quote surreal when you think about it. I mean looking back, remembering when I was 13 and just dreamed about coming to California one day.
Yesterday after I arrived from 10 hours of travelling, I was met by my crazy friend, and I cracked up immediately when I saw her, because I dropped part of my sandwich in the floor, just as I walked out the doors of the airport.

Seeing the lifestyle and the people - what they were and how casual they are - is hilarious; it's beach style all day every day. Everyone has a pool and I was told that there are mosre cars than people in Los Angeles!

Short after being greeted by my friend in LAX (the peculiar name of the airport!), I was standing on a mountain top outside her car with a view overlooking all of Los Angeles to the front, and a view of the Hollywood sign to the back. SURREAL! To top that off, my friend showed me a huge house that we could see a few steps away from us down the hill - Madonna's house! ... SURREAL . Again - all this is what I've been dreaming of since I was 13! I know how jealous my teenage sister would be!!

We walked into a kiosk/drug store to get a few foods for the evening and on the wall hangs dozens of signed pictures of the famous people who were here. There was a photo of Mily Cyrus, HIlary and Haily Duff. Pretty surreal too - even though my point of view is that they're just people too .. I do remember how much I wanted to be where they were, when I was 13.

I was asking my friend from NY what the accent is here.. and she said none, which I thought was a bit strange because to me any language is an accent.. but it's actually true.. there isn't really an accent here. They just speak english - you don't really even notice it as being a strong American accent.. they're so laid back. Very friendly too. I was walking on the street and complimented of my clothes twice... once was in the grocery store for my white and black dotted socks in my slippers!!... It wasn't a tease, just a sincere complimented - I thought he found it cool - there more laid back you are, the more you fit in.Interesting, in NY that would definitely NOT have been cool. Even though we love our multicultures, you can't change the fact that NYC is one of the main fashion states. Models walk around on the street.. so it's clear to notice when people dressed up or just got out of bed!

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Right now I am lying by the pool, which is in the middle of her apartment group. It's a place with about 40 apartments built in a square on 2 levels. The pool os for everyone, but no one is here. Everyone is probably at work.. or it might as well be that they all think 75 degress isn't hot enough for pool time. Well it sure does feel hot, here in Burbank, Los Angeles.

My friend explains to me that you don't meet a single person who doesn't work in the film business in some way. It all makes sense; Los Angeles consists of big expensive houses and then all the studios. Warner Brothers is literally right next to my friends house. See the adds for the new Drew Barrymore film 'Blended'? Well, it was filmed here.. and so is Ellen's show (meaning this is where Meryl Streep was not long ago when she was interviewed about her Oscar nomination for her role in the film 'August: Osage county'..!). This is where Two and a half men is filmed, this is where the Big Bang theory is filmed. We drove past one of Sony's and Google's big departments too.
This is where the big things are.
Just like in NY - which is why thinking about that I just flew from my home in NYC to my friends home a few hours away in  Los Angeles is quite SURREAL!

One of my friend's favorite things about this place is that several times daily you'll see hot guys running on the street with bare upper bodies. I don't think I am ready for this, I said - coming straight from the city and career of gay guys!

*

Tonight she'll be home from school at 10 pm, and we'll cook our traditional extremely cheap and easy dinner: past with pesto and chicken! 
Tomorrow she has the day off, and we'll go to Hollywood and be by the Walk of fame area for the day, probably bringing our home made sandwiches and sitting on Starbucks for hours!!. Aaah!

In a bit I'll finish off and take some laps in the pool. Nekisa borrowed me her card for fitness center just down the road, which I might visit too. I am enjoying seeing me already well tanned, and I look forward to working out to loose some of the fat. That's the good thing about being poor together, I guess. It's not like I'm away with my grandparents and they can afford to offer me cakes on cafes, which is so hard to resist. We'll just have our pasta and pesto for dinners and oatmeal for breakfast, then we'll be fine.

She just came home from a trip to Denmark too, so she has rye bread in the freezer - a really good kind!! Yay, and she had licorice!! Yay!

The very awesome fitness center!

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Flying over California was one of the most phenominal things to watch from the plane ever. The area is just so huge, it's unbearable! There are thousands of lights. As we got closer to the ground, I could spot all the palm trees and it made me yay out loud in the plane!!

This is Charlotte (btw the states North- and South Carolina), my layover.

Here is part of the Wittenberg family, and where they always go

for holidays if nothing is in the way :)

 Can you see the single tiny road? This is the one highway that drives through the mountain area to California. Reminded me of the movie Elizabethtown and the Britney music video 'I'm not a girl'. They sure were filmed here!

My jaw kept dropping more and more, as the city kept growing with lights as far as the eye could see. Phenominal, and especially by night!

Unfortunately I was recording 2 of my chapters for my new book (which I'm well successfully 5 chapters into and very happy about..!), and it got lost because I didn't record it properly. Now I am really bummed because I know I can't remember it all - a part of my characters story is lost, because when I try to rewrite it, it won't be the same! I feel like I just wrote half of a high school project that got deleted off the computer. It happens, but I sure need half of the day away from my writing on the novel to get over it!! :/

I read the first chapters for my friend last night. She absolutely loved it. I believe the style is very inspired by our favorite author Cecelia Ahern. Both the theme and style of writing. She immediately asked me what my plans were.. if I'd send it to a publisher! .. Which to me means she'd think it would be approved.. I hadn't thought so far, because I guess I never expected when and if I'd finish it. But I know I have to. For now I'm just writing it becaus eI have to - I have set the character free, now I need to let her breathe and finish the story she began on paper!

This is my friend's room. Very much like the one in Denmark,

which I thought was cool!

Demonstrating that I'm ready for take off from Newark, just before leaving 13th street. I had to take a picture of my bag... this is ALL I'm bringing; I've never done this good before for a holiday. A lot of people know that about me! I'm so proud. :p

...
And now for a dip in the pool!!! :)

Mhmm! 50 laps (in a tiny pool.. but it was good!)

- I got some reading done in a new Cecelia Ahern book, which Nekisa had borrowed from me to bring here, but one I never got to read.

- I went to work out, as you could see earlier on in the blog. 30 minutes hardcore biking. Thigh workout. I feel drowned from energy now, but in a good way. I am still shaking a bit though!!... I had an awesome stretch too, so I'm really happy about getting starting, and so well off, again. Getting ready for school in a couple of weeks ;)

I had a good rye bread sandwich after though, it was real good! ;)

This might be all I'm publishing for the day.. just because I want to get back to my book, and nothing much else has happened.. I am waiting for my friend who'll be home in about 2 hours.

But I sure will be back soon with a story of the great adventure down Hollywood town tomorrow ;)

Much love! X

A gift from God

Today was a very special day.It was a day God gave to me. Every day God gives me, but specifically this one he created especially for me. He gave me things throughout the day, let me meet people and see things that I have needed for a long time.

And after about 20 minutes of constant prayer, and a few worship songs in my quiet corner of the roof top, with a cup of tea in hand, I finally find a very close relationship with God again. One that I have been missing for many months now.

Less prayer and need to be fulfilled in Him led to more distance and eventually a feeling of shallowness and unfaithfulness. I have been a dreadful human being these past weeks, not even having time to smile at people on the street, hold the door for others when entering cafes or greeting "good morning" in the elevator on my way out.
I have escaped the world and myself and not enjoyed waking up like that at all. Each day becoming worse and worse, eating more and more and eventually less healthy.
I have not treated my body or myself as a creation of God.
Quite frankly, this is only something I am realizing, while writing my post this very minute.

I think this weekend at commissioning was a good turning point for me, followed by days where I made sure to take time for myself, reading some sort of Christian book - one a day!

As I sat on my roof top, I felt the presence of my dear grandmother, as the evening wind gently blew across my face.
I promised her to stop the foolishness and be who I really am. The beautiful person I am, who loves the world and the people in it.

God has kept giving and giving me these days, without asking for me to pay back for my bad deeds. I have taken and taken and just when I felt most at a loss, feeling most guilty and angry at myself, he gave me even more.
It makes no sense.
But that is God. That is his grace, and so I must once again understand that there is no better way than walking hand in hand with him.

This is exactly like the story of the lost son, from Luke 15:11-32. I read this and the following analysis in the book 'The Prodigal God', on the subway this afternoon. A book I was given by Susan to my soldier enrollment. Not amazing I hadn't made time before now, really.. but now I know that there was a reason for reading it today and no other time. I had to be ready for those words - more importantly, I had to need them.

*

The woman from the reception at the Markle came upstairs to get some air in a short break, and as I saw her, I gave her a huge smile.
It made me think that when I first came to the Markle there was another lady who was always so bitter and didn't give much in return when you passed the front desk and said, "Hello, Good morning or good night!".
I remember very clearly writing about this in one of my first blog posts from New York. I remember writing, "But I say hi to her anyway.. eventually I'll open her up, and she'll learn to love me.. that's my goal."
Well she did give me smiles in the end, and she got to know my name. I think I then stopped caring much.. and then one day she was gone, and a new lady stepped in in stead of her.

Well, by that time, I was so full of myself and my problems that I didn't care as much for the world as I used to. I didn't enter doors with the intention of bringing sunshine to the room, I just hurried past to go to jump into my bed as fast as a lightning.
- And quite ironically.. this new lady is one of the sweetest and most welcoming and smiling creatures of this earth. No matter if it was 2 pm or 2 am, she would always welcome you as if you were family, and she had been waiting for you all day.

But people like that annoys you so much when you don't open up to the world. It's the most distracting thing and it draws energy from you and reminds you that you are angry and sad when you force out a "hello!".

Can you believe it?

But I am certain this woman was sent from God, just to smile at me every day.
And tonight, I gave her my first smile.
*
I have been to Harlem today, and I saw my Africa again. I couldn't be happier. I was walking the streets of the market, I saw the old Apollo theatre and I discovered a world that I had forgotten parts of.

I went up there, to 110th street, for a gospel concert... but it turns out, as I arrived, the concert was cancelled. I sat to read further into my book, though.

Pre that, all afternoon, I had written the first 5 chapters of a new novel I woke up with the idea of this morning. The idea was so strong in me, I couldn't let a day go by without grasping it. Now I have given life to it, - it is a story that has begun, I have created new characters in this world, and I can't let it go. It might take 10 years until it's out.. but now I have another part of me that has been breathed into the open air, and it feels great.

*

On my way home in the subway, a girl suddenly started talking to me - without having noticed the title of my Christian book -, she asked me about what I thought the image of God was. She asked me about the idea of God as being a woman. We talked back and forth about what the 'father' role actually meant. I simply explained that 'father' is for us a protection and a role model in our lives - but to set him up as a man sitting in heaven is not necessarily what that word means.. see that would make God a human.. and he isn't, only a part of him became flesh, taking form as a human on earth, when he sent his son Jesus. Therefore, discussing whether God is a man or a woman between religions is not realistic, and also not necessarily. I further on explained that I believed faith was true faith when it was personal. Therefore, the way we see God is different and completely unique to the person sitting next to us. We humans need to create an image to be able to grasp an idea or have an understanding of who he is. That isn't necessary, because he's God - and even so, he would look different for each of us, because each of us has different needs. Our personal faith with Him is the fact that we see Him as a fulfilling of the things we need. He is a God that is able - therefore whatever I need, - if I really believe in Him - I will see, when I imagine the image of Him.

She was very open and admiring and interesting to talk with. I have no idea why she came up to me, or why on earth she started talking about it.
But riding further on with the subway, after she had gotten off her stop, I realized that this was a very special gift that God had sent me on this day.
I simply needed to hear myself say those words out loud.

*

This afternoon I received a grant from my grandfather that allowed me to travel to California to visit my best friend.
Furthermore some help from my parents to support my extra ballet classes.
I received a beautiful letter of recommendation from my ballet teacher that captured me as a performer who improves in bounds and leaps, not steps.. and a performer who is engaging and fascinating to watch with every move she does.

Most of all, I feel my steel of spine, optimism and devotion growing back again.

Commissioning weekend in Hershey

This weekend was very special for me. It was the first big arrangement and weekend away with my new family The Salvation Army. This weekend was commissioning weekend for the 2nd year cadets from the officer training school. It took place in Hershey - the chocolate city of the world .. as some people say it, meaning American advertisers! Hershey is one of the biggest chocolate brands in USA though, and the city, which is named after the chocolate, has a big theme park,tours in the factory and free Hershey kisses on top of every bill being paid in restaurants and such!
- just to talk about the chocolate for a moment more; I have not found myself very fond of the brand, not finding it a very unique or delicious taste.. however, every chocolate lover tends to find her favorite combination for every new brand.. which I indeed did this weekend. Their dark chocolate is really not bad and besides that their almond/caramel chocolate combination is very amazing.
I also tried some of their 'Hershey's specialty drinks'. The almond joy latte, I truly have to say - was indescribable! So amazing.

But.. the weekend and actually commissioning was thousands times better!
Taken from the fact that I feel very exhausted, a bit down and quiet this day after the weekend, is just a sign that the experience really left its mark on me.
What a great celebration I witnessed! 

Putting words to the whole weekend would be near impossible.. well okay, in fact I think the statistics of my long blog post in the past would tell me this wasn't even close to being true.. however, my point by saying this is that the weekend was very special and unique in many ways, that I'd say it was better for you to have been there and see it with your own eyes and feel it with your own heart.

- As an artist, I'd have no problem in painting the picture for you.. but how about the ones of you who are curious see for yourself?
The whole weekend was filmed and can be found online, but even more so there are thousands of meetings in the future that will be held in the spirit of what happened this weekend. That's the picture I should really paint for you.

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I arrived with NY temple late afternoon at our hotel.. just in time for a dip in the pool and dinner at an American diner. I headed with them to Hershey's that night for this weekend's first worships meeting and welcome of the cadets from training school.

My hotel room was a massive double room I had all to myself, and with a lovely view to the pool from a terrasse.
I also had a coffee machine in my room!

Below are pictures from the first meeting, on Friday night.

Here's a crazy bug in bed enjoying luxury for the first time in a long time.... !

Friends is on TV and Josephine is visiting ;)

The following day we got up early for the first 9 am meeting. I managed to find time for a dip in the pool before leaving! ;)

The day was structured with different sections of meetings. We had several guest speakers, and watched the artistic teams perform, including the staff band and the songsters. We stayed for lunch at the place and didn't get back until 11 pm that day!

Friends: Lieutenant Frenie and senior soldier Jasmin

Right: Everything that was being talked about during the day

was drawn on a big collage by an artist

Right: Questions about the theme of the day from the different preachers were twittered/facebooked/messaged to the conference and then some were chosen for the public board for discussion. I had a question up there! ;)

On the Sunday we had a 10 am meeting where the cadets were commissioned and then a bigger lunch break where we had a delicious sandwhich at Hershey's grill :) The late afternoon was the second part of their commissioning - rather the 'celebration of the commissioning'; with dancing, singing and great worshiping.

On our way back, the 4 hour car ride, which I took with the Hempstead group, we stopped for dinner at pizza hut. We had such a fun ride on our way home, listening to loud 80'ies music, almost flipping the car over from all the dancing.. and then we read a full play aloud too.. dis-including the driver Lieutenant Mendoza!

The freedom tower in the far distance,

finally emerging from our 4 hour road home!

The last Hershey's specialty we got to try on our way back... breadsticks with chocolate on, dipped in chocolate sauce.

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So to the real reasons why I enjoyed this weekend...

My favorite moment of this weekend was when everyone was called up one by one, commissioned from cadets to officers in the Salvation Army with the rank of Lieutenants. The room with more than a thousand in the audience was completely quiet and sacred, and the cadets walked up to the Commissioners Swansons either very quiet, teary eyed, or sobbing. Each face being priceless.
Each person being unique and beautiful. Each person making speaking more and more to me, as I thought through how brave this commitment and 'surrender of life' this was for them.
The thought being a bit intimidating, as scary as it seemed, but also being so endlessly fascinating and amazing.

Even more joyful was the moment later on in the afternoon when they were each given their first appointment somewhere in the Eastern territory of the United States. this was when their commitment was actually realized as the could return that evening, knowing where and what to pack their suitcases for.

However, my very favorite moment didn't have much to do with the new Lieutenants actually. My very favorite moment of the weekend was when Sue Swanson asked and allowed everyone of the people in the hall who felt called to be an officer in The Salvation Army.
Now some were older, and had known this decision for years maybe, just waiting to finish their university degree or a part of their parenting years, who knows... BUT the fact that I witnessed some people who just went up by an impulse from the chairs close to me, because they had been called by God in that moment, asked and felt in their hearts that favoring God in this way was a path ahead of them in life, was so touching. There are no words for this, because this is about how God works in you, in the moment.

*

So here's what I miss..
I miss being in this community 24/7. The community that makes me get up early, sit through meetings with my stomach screaming for food, fails to give me time for practising song or dance, gives me something very near to claustrophobia when I have to find people through the big crowds or just make it to the bathroom...
... yet, behind all this (this obvious irony), I miss being in a community of people who believes, longs and rejoices in the spirit of Jesus, like I do in my heart. A community that makes me go beyond that whisper in my heart and dance it out with Josephine my neighbor at the worship meeting, come forth to the altar and cry it out next to someone who either does the same thing or lay their hands on my shoulder to pray for me.

I miss a community that wholeheartedly gives away a whole weekend in their lives for God.

It's not that I learnt a lot about my faith this weekend, but I miss being in the core of it. That's when I feel I can handle anything and be patient.

Today is that day in between this weekend's community and the regular life outside with all the other communities that doesn't include faith in that way.

Speaking to the Salvation Army officers (I know there are more than 5 who reads my blog) - you don't know how difficult it is to get back to the normal days, without this community.
I know for sure it's my job not to separate the two communities... however, when you are born and raised in this community, went to school with fellow cadets and work with them for the rest of your lives, I can imagine that there is less 'converting' to do, after such a weekend. If there is, I'm interested to hear about it..

I'm going back to a community that for a starter doesn't pray before meals or attend Sunday services.. so spending their day with Jesus is something they not only aren't interested in doing, also something they don't know how to do.

I feel it as a 'bubble' that is easier and easier to feel at the core of. It's like trying to feel the emotions after you play a dramatic character onstage, because being done with the play seems un-fulfilling when you could've said so much more.. when the scenes can't be felt as strongly, when you're not actually in them onstage... or it's like coming out of meditation and the lights are turned back on in yoga class... or stepping out of a sauna and into the cold air on a late night... or saying goodbye to your last guest from your birthday party.

Perhaps not. This is something everlasting that will never leave us, an experience that is always there.. a celebration that never ends.
It feels a bit the way I described though. But I don't doubt it will become easier as I grow in faith. Right?

*

So... for today, I have spent my time just resting in bed, reading a good book that I got in a Salvation Army store some months ago, and then I spent the rest of the afternoon and evening with Lieutenant Frenie in her office at NY temple, while she wrote her paper and we listened to worship music together.

Women called to preach: selected from the whole world. And guess what familiar face is in it? My awesome grandma of course,

- who by the way just finished her Phd project, which I'm very proud of!

Tomorrow I am interested in seeing Lloyd Webber's musical 'Whistle down the wind' the original production at the performing arts library, for the first time. Or perhaps the musical 'Harmony', which is a dramatic love story set in the Jewish community, during the 2nd world war.

There's obviously more to come on this subject, I could say so much more... but let this to be what it is now.

I will pray for you, hope you will have a blessed week.