A trip to Washington D.C! part 2

My bus ride to Washington D.C. was delayed with 2 hours!
I was supposed to arrive at around 9 in the evening, and we got there even later than 11 pm, I think.... !

I got a lot of things done though.. even though it was difficult to study with only the light from my mini computer!
Here in the picture to the right, I am beginning to starve a little... crackers and juice didn't last as long as I thought...

*

The Turner family lives in Oakton, which is in fact in Virginia, - a whole other state than Marylon (the state where Washington D.C. is).

I did not know you could just pass through states like that. I have always imagined that every new state is like a new country... which is true in many ways - if you compare it with the climate and culture.
For instance there's a big difference between Alabama and New York and California and Michigan.
But there's not necessarily such an abrupt difference from one state to the other, around the border.

*

The night I arrived Willy, wanted to show me the monuments in D.C. This is one of the first thing a tourist, or just any person, goes to see (should go), when they come to the city.

There are tons of old historical monuments and memorials from the numerous wars the US has been through.
One of them was the Lincoln memorial, - very massive and fascinating.
By night all the memorial places are lid up. The area is quite deserted, but somehow I find that it emphasizes the message of the memorials. - There's a more peaceful and graceful atmosphere to a naked building standing alone.. or a sad and fearful atmosphere. Either it draws focus.

There was a Korean memorial (sculptures of soldiers walking through the battlefield), Vietnam memorial (a massive black wall with all the names that were lost in this war, built in such a way that it's going downhill).
We also very clearly saw the Washington monument. This is a tall tower that was built to commemorate George Washington, America's first President.

Washington monument

The Lincoln Memorial

The massive statue of President Lincoln,

 the inside of the house, from the previous picture.

Korean memorial place.

Soldiers walking through the battle field.

Actually really creepy to be by, at night...

- or any time of day, I suppose!

Einstein!

When I woke up the next morning, I had a run in the neighborhood. The sight was beautiful!!

Their house seen from the road:)

Their garden

(there was still spider web on the bushes from Halloween!)

Their house seen from further away!

Just outside their house. Isn't it incredible?

One of top 3 favorite trees in their neighborhood!

Saturday afternoon we went to Washington national Zoo.
Yay! I've been wanting to go to a zoo in a long time, so this proposal was absolutely perfect.

The zoo was very big and more 'park-like' than other zoos I've been to in big cities. It wasn't crowded and the place had lots of nature and big areas for just walking. It was beautiful to walk among all the colored trees, so we had a great autumn afternoon.

The 'we' would be me, Willy Turner and the 3 youngest of his kids (they have 5: John Paul, Joseph, Grace, James and Mary).

I also got a chance to meet up with Sarah Wittenberg, the second oldest in the family. She moved to Washington D.C. for her full time job. I hadn't seen her since the very beginning of my adventure here in the States, so it was good to meet up with her and see family, since I hadn't been able to see Phil and Susan for a couple of weeks.

One of the biggest leafs we had ever seen!

Me and Grace by the Gorillas

Tarzan's dad!

Grace and Nemo's home

("anemone, menomene, manone")

Mary wanted me to take pictures of her

on every statue of the animals!

*

When we got back to the house guests had already arrived. For dinner, all the siblings from the dad's side of the family had been invited. I saw Charles, Elizabeth and her daughter and son, Patricia with her husband and their twin daughters, Ed, and their mother Tia Rossario.

I had met Tia Rossario once before, when she went to Copenhagen on a cruise with her husband. I remember she gave me a ballerina doll from New York. I was about 4, I think.
The night at the dinner, she asked into where I lived in the city, while repeatedly saying: "New York is the place to be. Just take me to New York and I'm happy."!

Other than her, I had never met the rest of them before... And the last time they saw my dad, was when he was my age!

Julie, Willy's wife had made an enormous dinner and I helped make the applie pie. I also tasted an American tradition that's made for Thanksgiving, pumpkin pie. It was all delicious!

Adorable second cousins eating dinner!

The apple pie and the one behind is the pumpkin pie

mhh!!

The family!

It was wonderful seeing this part of the family. It's wonderful to have bonded with new members of my family and being looked up to by a ton of little second cousins!
We had great fun. We played Jenga many times (klodsmajor).
They were sad to see me leave, and some of the cousins from the other families already begged their parents to invite me to their house!

Jenga time!

*

Washington is a nice place to visit, because everything is free! All the museums - even the zoo - are free. And Sarah said there's always tons of free concerts, exhibitions and things to do and see. Perfect place to live as a student :)

However, Washington was not the place I spent too much time in, since the family doesn't live in the city. Their suburban house in Oakton is adorable! They have lived there for the past 20 years, and gradually extended the size of the house! There is a cute garden out front with a hammock in the corner, a front porch with big comfy chairs (like the ones everyone of the housewives has in Desperate Housewives, to people watch.. and spread gossip!) and an even bigger garden in the back, where the kids race around on their bikes and the dog plays around.

*

I am sitting in the car on the way to our hike.
Willy is telling me that we just passed the city Manassas, where the first battle of the civil war in 1861 (-1865) took place, and he pointed out the window, showing me the battle field. 620.000 soldiers lost their lives in the civil war!
This is apparently also the town the famous American band Crosby's is from (I didn't know them - but the Turners told me they were very known in my parents generation!).

Right after the end of the civil war, President Lincoln was assassinated. He was shot in a theater, while watching a play! So obviously the memorial of him that I saw the first night was built in memory of that horrible event.

Looking ahead, out of the window in the car now, we can see the Blue Ridge mountains. The sight is extraordinary, - mountains covered with forests in autumn colors. This is where we'll be hiking!

I have not yet had the chance to walk past The White House!... which is something I have to do.. but I will just have to come back another time for that. Willy says that if I come in the spring, there's a building that has it's balcony open for the season, where you have a great view overlooking The White House and the park around it.

We went hiking up Mary's rock (named after the family's youngest, we joked about). The view was amazing and we saw the phenominal colors of autumn as far as the eye stretched from the forests running up and down the numerous mountains.
Here are some pictures!

Amazing colors right??! 

This is the autumn in Shendoah

that everybody would kill to get a chance to see every year.

It was afternoon at this time, so the sun was already lowering from the sky.

I love the effect of the shade gradually covering up the landscape.

It's like the shade creates a frame around this picture!

Look how bright and beautiful a day it was!

Sweet Grace in rays of sunlight

Julie and Mary

Julie and Mary falling behind.. but I got some good shots of them!

After a couple of hours of hiking, we reached the top, Mary's rock!

Priceless!

The view behind me ;-)

All together - as you can see - I had a lovely weekend. So thank you Julie and Willy for that.;)

I will soon write a blog post about the news from life at school and home at the Markle. I just wanted to share these pictures with you as soon as I could!

All my love. X

A trip to Washington D.C. and Cinderella on Broadway! part 1

Right now, I'm sitting on the pavement, waiting for a bus that'll take me to Washington D.C.!
I know a great bunch of you are thinking: "Jeez you're so spontaneous, Jasmin!". I know.. it would be like me just to take off to a random place and explore or just get away! However, I didn't just decide to go as a tourist on my own, I have family who lives there. Willy Turner, my dad's cousin, and his family have a house in Washington D.C. :)
They invited me a long time ago, but it's taken many weeks for me to finally find a weekend I could make the time to get away.
- actually I want to correct that, because being fully committed to studies where you have to be active from 9 am to 11 pm, there's never a weekend you can take off. I have several midterm exams next week! But I've just accepted that extra work next week will bring.

*

This week has been really long and hectic. Omgosh .. just as I wrote this I realized that my weekend has started! I had my Saturday private lesson re-scheduled, so I could go straight from school today (Friday) and stay over for two nights at the Turners' house.

Anyways, this week has been reeally long, and I think it's because I've grown so much this week; 
I've taken major steps in particular classes, and from that I've used so much energy putting greater effort in my prepared work, being strict with my personal rehearsals every single night, dancing wider and wilder, sweating more, sitting on the tip of my chair asking more questions, caring less about showing my tears about personal things in Meisner classes, and finding time to see a Broadway show :).

Through all this though, I have found myself getting more used to the routine of getting up at 6 am and sleeping at 11 pm (thinking about the amount of sleep I get, compared to all the energy I use, makes me want to whine this instant!).

Something I love being able to fit into my calender 

- and a good way to start the morning.

I watched the sun reach every building,

waking up the whole city.

The water glowed and sent breezes my way.

Fresh and calming.

Despite the tight program, I have accepted the fact that my recharging and the minimum 8 hours of sleep will be kept for the weekends!
In fact I have come to accept that there is no other way, if I want to be fully prepared for all my classes too, and take time to stretch every night, steam my face to clear my voice and massage my legs.

It sounds funny that those are things I have to fit into my calender.. but the thing is, when I come back to my room at 8, and I'm so exhausted that I could collapse on the bed and sleep instantly, I have at least 2 hours of homework ahead of me. And after homework, it's important to take care of myself with all of these things, and end the day in a relaxed and peaceful way. If I just collapse on the bed or get under the covers with worried thoughts or the sweat from my dancing .. I don't wake up as good and ready as I should have.

Another thing, that helps the tightness

and stress of my intensive schedule.

Any kind of daily treat is a must,

- being good to yourself.

This was the first time I have ever taken a cake

at the residence, since I got here.

I couldn't resist the berries!

*

2 hours later, - I am now sitting in the bus, after a long delay in the bus schedule.
I have 4,5 hours of travel ahead of me. But here's what I'm going to work on:
- My blog
- Essay abut my performance on 'Wishing you were somehow here again'
- The script for the children's Christmas play at the New York temple (for the children in the Salvation Army that I teach drama every Friday)
- Revise the dance terms and history for my midterm exam in dance class on thursday
- Read the plot of Camelot, to prepare myself for playing the character of Guenevere, with the song 'Before I gaze at you again', for Monday's performance lab class
- Learn Viola's 'I left no ring with her..' monologue from Twelfth night off by heart, for Shakespeare class on Monday

.. as you can see, I need the 4,5 hours!

*

So the Broadway show I went to see was Cinderella, with Susan Wednesday night!
We had amazing seats! On the 5th row in the orchestra!! We could see the conductor clearly, the tiniest details on the costumes and the spit and sweat from the performers.
The awesome tickets was a lucky placement for the student rush tickets. These can only be bought in person, on the day of the performance. The prize for the student rush tickets were $34 per ticket! I am not kidding, the fine people next to us payed something between 150 and 250 dollars for their tickets! 

It was such an amazing and beautiful show. It was well cast, which is something I have been arguing about for the last two musicals I've seen (Chicago and Phantom of the Opera).
The night we saw it, the role of Cinderella was played by an understudy, but I found her just as perfect for the role - if not better - than the original of this production (Laura Osnes - who in fact won a Tony for this role).
What struck me once again - because it obviously wasn't a surprise - was that here on Broadway there's not much of a difference in the original role and the several understudies. The competition here is enormous! Even though every performer is unique, you will find tons of people like you. Therefore, it is no surprise that there are hundreds of extraordinary copies of Cinderella in New York City.

I loved how Rodgers & Hammerstein have created the character Cinderella in this version of the old fairy tale (which is usually remembered from the Disney movie and not the original text!).

In the musical, Cinderella has more profound hopes and needs.
Without loosing her gentle character, she can still argue about her circumstances. She doesn't argue much though... but what I really liked about this show is that we as an audience saw more of what she is met with every day; how the stepmother treats her and what her world is like, working and obeying all day.
- The strongest point in the entire show, is when the stepmother tears Cinderella's old jacket apart; the only memory she has left of her dad.

It is such a vulnerable part of the story, because we witness how the things that bring Cinderella most happiness are taken away from her whilst she keeps working to find more happiness.

We meet her reflections in the song 'In my own little corner', my favorite song in the show. Personally, this is the song that was 'missing' in the story beforehand. Without this song - and a few others in the show, but especially this one - the story is just a lovely fairy tale, far from the human world.
The song is a wide journey through Cinderella's dreams, yet her fears through it all too.

She sings about sitting alone in her chair, in her own little corner. Here she imagines all the different people she could be.
Correction - she not only imagines, she says that's what she is! In other words she takes herself away from the poor life she is living now, and for a second she sees the world through someone else's eyes. She escapes her world, in order to be someone 'better'. 

I'm as mild and as meek as a mouse
When I hear a command I obey.
But I know of a spot in my house 
where no one can stand in my way.

In my own little corner in my own little chair
I can be whatever I want to be.
On the wings of my fancy I can fly anywhere
and the world will open its arms to me.
I'm a young Egyptian princess or a milkmaid
I'm the greatest prima donna in Milan
I'm an heiress who has always had her silk made
By her own flock of silkworms in Japan
I'm a girl men go mad for love's a game I can play 
with cool and confident kind of air.
Just as long as I stay in my own little corner
All alone in my own little chair.

I can be whatever I want to be.
I'm a thief in Calcutta I'm a queen in Peru.
I'm a mermaid dancing upon the sea
I'm a huntress on an African safari... it's a dangerous type of sport and yet it's fun
In the night I sally forth to seek my quarry
And I find I forgot to bring my gun.
I am lost in the jungle all alone and unarmed when I meet a lioness in her lair
Then I'm glad to be back in my own little corner,
All alone in my own little chair.

When she several times sings: 'I can be whatever I want to be', it is because she believes she has the will and braveness to pursue anything in life. She never stops working hard. Her dream in life is to be something better, because what she sees herself as now, is not good enough, through her own eyes.

But in the last verse she sing about going forth to battle, but only on the battle field she realizes that she doesn't have a gun..
- Cinderella is brave and ready to do whatever she has to do, to pursue her dreams.. but she is also naive because she goes into that fight completely unarmed. She is a small girl, poor and lonely. These are facts. - But not everything she is. However, when she looks at herself,  this is all she sees.

Suddenly the world seems big, intimidating and scary; she is lost in the jungle. And suddenly Cinderella is glad that she's not really there.
Suddenly her own little corner, back at her stepmother's house in the little forest, is much safer.

In fact, she is scared of the world, because she's never really faced it before. And maybe for a second, she thinks to herself that the world is too big for her to have all her dreams fulfilled.
Everyone around her tells her she's not good enough.
Until the fairy godmother comes along, and invites Cinderella to look into herself and allow herself to wish for her dreams... not just hope.

The story is about how Cinderella learns that there is so much more to her than what she had given herself credit for.

Another thing I really liked about the plot, was that the Prince was not a perfect handsome and charming prince, but someone with a 'human soul' too. In all the original Disney movies the Prince is always made as a perfect figure,which makes the happy ending seem extremely fulfilling. ..But maybe not too realistic.
However, in this musical version of Cinderella, the director had explored in the Prince's character and turned him into a 'normal' person who made mistakes and had struggles too.
- For example, he felt betrayed by his parents for lying to him about ruling the country fairly, when they were really taking land from the poor, in his name.
- He was also nervous and unsure about how to show his love to Cinderella. Even though he was handsome, he wasn't as perfect as his costume implied. And that is something that feels much more relative to real life.

My favorite theme in the musical, is that as we follow the love between Cinderella and the Prince, the story gradually teaches us that Cinderella is good enough the way she is. It takes her a long time to believe that the Prince loves her for who she is, and not what he thinks she is (perhaps a rich princess from a faraway land).
When she believes in this, no one else around her has to pretend they're something better.
Cinderella has always encouraged and believed in other people, seeing the very best in them. All along, she didn't fully see the best in herself, even though she wanted to (in order to survive the daily cruelty she was met by).
By the end of the musical, the different status' and types in the society suddenly has no meaning at all.
They saw that love is true when you trust who you are on the inside, and not what people make you on the outside.

The costumes were amazing. All the ensemble wore corsets and dresses with many layers and fluffy shoulder parts. They all danced ballet in their huge ball room dresses, which was really fascinating to watch.
Cinderella wore 4 costumes throughout the show, whereof 2 of the costume changes took place onstage. The change from a tiny poor-looking dress to an enormous ball room dress was fascinating, and it took about 5 seconds. There were quite a few magic transitions with costumes happening onstage, and they were really clever thought through.

...Unfortunately, I was sitting so close to the stage, that I could see the 'tricks'. Usually I dislike knowing the tricks for the magic happening onstage, because it draws me out of the story - but seeing how quick and smooth they did it, and how they had designed the many layers of the dress for that purpose, was pretty fascinating to witness.
For instance the second layer of the change to Cinderella's ballroom dress was half white and half colored (the colors of her servant's dress).

A funny thing is that one of the performers was a woman I had seen in one of my favorite TV shows, Desperate Housewives. She was playing the evil stepmother.
An even funnier detail is that the original Cinderella in the movie is playing in Desperate Housewives too - approximately 20 years later than her role in the musical.
...Yep everywhere I look, I see Desperate Housewives and so many other TV shows and films that I've watched over the years.

*

As I'm sitting in the bus, I'm listening to the soundtrack of Mamma Mia! I know Phil really wants to see the show. I was not very fond of the staged version, when I saw it back in Copenhagen - and I just think the movie is such a party, that I'd hate to get my hopes too high once again for another stage version.
But being so high from the soundtrack now, I'm considering getting tickets for the show on Broadway next week!

....
.......Oh my gosh! My countdown to Christmas has officially begun. I just put on my first Christmas track of the year, 'Don't save it all for Christmas day', sung by Celine Dion.

Usually I'm really frustrated with shops advertising for the season too early, and people singing Christmas songs months before it's even December. Yes - a great example is you morfar! - My granddad finds every excuse he can to put on Christmas music, eat pork and dance around a tree. Usually he'll arrange a 'pre-Christmas' that all the grandchildren celebrate in the summer holiday.. seeing it's sometimes the only time we're all gathered together.
....But now I'm ready! So let the spices in my tea change, the decorations hang in windows and let the snow fall.

This Christmas will be very different for me.
It'll be the first time in my life that I won't celebrate Christmas on the 24th of December.

I have spoken with my friend Bekah, who lives in Michigan. The tickets to Michigan from New York are not that pricey.. so knowing that the only time we can see each other is Christmas this year or summer next year, I have decided to save up to celebrate my Christmas with her. <3

Since I came to the States, we've spoken to each other on the phone several times. We always end talking for about 2 hours. Every time we talk, we discuss what it'll be like when we finally meet again (after not seeing each other for 7 years, since Malawi). Bekah says she's had dreams of us running into each others arms in the airport and not letting go, while crying with tears of happiness and laughter.
And when I've thought the scene through, it's been something like that too.
All I know is that it'll be very special to see her again.

Love this girl to bits!

I can't wait to write a blog post about what my American Christmas will be like.

- In Celine Dion's Christmas cd, Brahm's lullaby just started playing.. for a second I was tempted to lay my head against the window and fall asleep within a minute!
However, I need to finish a written project on the computer. I am working on the script for the Christmas play. It's turning out fantastic! It'll be so sweet.

I will see if I can get it filmed, so I can share my production with you . :)
I am also aware that I have talked about sharing recordings of my songs from my classes with you. So I will make sure to make an update on my blog with those soon!

I know that you are dying to see more of my work here, and get a glimpse of how I've already developed artistically. I sometimes forget that you don't see that huge progress in me, unless I show it to you with videos, recordings or such.

Wait for part 2 of this post, which soon will be posted!

All my love, Jazzie ;-)
X

Reflections on life/what happens in Meisner

HI! It's been a long time since I wrote, I know.
Honestly, this post is a mixture of thoughts from these days, and also a post I've been working on over the past 3 weeks. So I'm glad that once this post is out, I can send faster updates on what's actually happening right now!

Hope all is good with everyone. X

I still haven't gotten much mail!
- See how happy and optimistic I look in my new autumn colors?!

("Will there be a letter in my mail box tomorrow

when I return from school?")

It's gotten really cold - as in it doesn't randomly swing back to 30 degrees anymore, like it did the first month I was here.. so now I'll be diggin' my sweater style!

*

Sometimes when I walk along my street, I'll study the windows, through to the people working with jobs that are completely different to what I do.
Sometimes I look at the little kinder garden on my street, and while the children neatly stand in pairs to go on a trip, I'll see a young girl my age making sure they each have a hand to hold, zipping up their jackets, finding a tissue to blow their runny noses and laughing politely at their silly jokes.
Gosh. It looks so nice. I wish I had it so easy.
Just for a day, I wish my day was all about fun and adventure.

I wish I had it as easy as that young girl.
And I really, really don't like having these thoughts.
It makes me feel like I can't focus on what I do. And I feel stupid for not thinking, "Gosh it looks boring, I can't wait to go to school and do what I do".

But maybe it's okay to have these thoughts. It doesn't mean I'm stupid. Maybe not focused enough (which is why I am up at 2 am in the morning having myself think it over and over, and finally writing it out on paper).
It's okay that I have these thoughts, because school is not easy. I especially battle with myself in the dance classes, because I am not trusting my abilities and I find it difficult to let go physically.
So ignoring this major battle that's going on at them moment, would be stupid. Ignoring that school is in fact unbelievably challenging, would be robotized.

Over the past week I've thought of why I felt this way, looking through the windows.
Why I feel it's such a challenge to go to school.

- Because I think that like every one else, I am drawn to doing the things that make me happy. And experiencing difficulties in this (which are things that make me sad), it makes me doubt that I'm doing what really makes me happy.

But you don't just get happy. yeah? again.. it sounds obvious. But when you're in the battle, do you always see it that clear?
Do you always trust that the sad things are there for the happy things to work out?


What's weird about this emotional struggle is that no matter how often I have these thoughts and no matter how serious I may feel about me not being ready to carry on, I just keep going.
Maybe because I have to. I have a schedule to keep up with and the teachers encourage me to always prepare for every class. Nothing stops me from attending and working intensively with interpretating that song for Kristy's class.

Or maybe it's just me that keep going on.
I could take a break if I wanted to. There are already students who miss their classes, because they are too overwhelmed or pressured. People have been sick, and stayed home.
I am sick now (from the heavy change in the air to autumn). But I went to school 2 days in a row with a fever.

- I just keep on walking, even though I'm not always in a steady track of my footsteps. I even don't always see myself taking the steps. But somehow, I just keep walking.
And I don't look back. If I doubt my path, it's never been to turn back around 180 degrees.

There's nothing behind me I want to return to. There's not a single part of my past I think of saying: "I wish I was there. I wish I still had that job. I wish I was still at that school."
No - there's nothing for me in my track, behind me.

So this leaves it to two more possibilities: either I stand completely still, or I move forward. And did I not just point out how I never stood still?

From knowing myself, I doubt in myself in the times I want to be sure of my next step. I am a person who always want to be the best prepared.
As an actress, however, I have been told that always being sure of every move is killing your abilities to live in the present. Because you don't allow yourself to let go. 
So maybe the challenge is that I must learn to let go.


My problem is that I won't face things I'm not very good at. Dancing is my third strength out of the three disciplines.
I enjoy singing more ...because I'm better at it. And when we have our ensemble sessions singing in choir, I don't need to record my voice part, because I can read music and having sung in big choirs for many years, my muscle memory will copy what's on the sheet music after singing it through max 2 times.
In our vocal classes, I feel more proud, because I achieve the technique we're asked to do in 2 seconds, even though some of the things are exercises I've never tried before - because my voice just has that, and I am so sure of my self on that point that I am an extreme fast learner.
Some are still looking for the placement of their ligid voice so they can sing 'My favorite things', but after the class I went home and sang Italian arias without squealing for the high notes.

But if I was told I had to learn how to paint like my great great grandfather Paul Gauguin, I think I would sit down a few times and have a go at it .. but then forget about it, and just deal with my art teacher being let down.. because I'd feel like I'd never reach that standard of perfection.
- and then I'd most likely go home and write an excellent song about the stress from that.

But the point I'm trying to make is that along the way to achieving your goals, there are always less fun things you must do too, to fulfill it.

None of my dream roles are from the big dance shows like A chorus line, Hairspray, Chicago, Newsies, The Lion King, Mamma mia. Awesome shows! - that I love to watch, but have never had a passion to do.
But doing musical theatre, I just have to go through all aspects of it. That's the way it is. Not getting the 'all-round' experience would just limit my job possibilities later on in life, anyway. 

So as I mentioned in my point earlier on, there are always less fun things in the bigger picture. Then, why not try to get the best out of them too?

If it's something you have to do, you might as well be good to yourself and let yourself take it in with best intentions.

And the fact is, when I enjoy dancing.. I love it.

*

I'd now like to share one of the most inspiring parts of my schedule. Meisner classes! So much has been going on, and I - including my fellow students have all developed so much and learnt profound things in ourselves.

I wrote a blog post about the Meisner classes earlier on in the blog. You can scroll back if you want to know what technique Meisner is, and how we started up.

The repetition exercise in Meisner has now been taken to a new level.
While still repeating each other and continuously reading off your partner, you have to do an activity.
1.) The activity has to have a clear standard of perfection.
2.) The activity must be physically challenging - but not on a strenuous level.

Here are few examples of what you could do:
- Taping together a map, that has been torn into 100 pieces
- Painting the Mona Lisa, so it looks exactly like the original
- Sewing together a teddy bear perfectly, that has both the legs and arms ripped off
- Gluing together a broken tea cup, so it's not visible it has been broken
- Joggling with 5 balls in the air, without dropping them
- Doing a triple pirouette and landing perfectly

3.) When the exercise it found, you need to find a reason that explains why it is so important and urgent to finish the exercise.
It has to be related to something personal. Real life characters - family members or friends that mean a lot to you personally. In this way it evokes deep feelings in you - good or bad - if you can't complete the exercise, as you're supposed to (it sound complicated, I know - but you'll see where this leads to, once I talk about my specific examples).

There has to be a goal you want to reach, a battle you fight for. The goal has to be almost as important as life/death.
- Your made-up circumstances may be that your mum is sick in hospital, and you need to tape together the map so you can find your way and see her the last time, before she dies.
- It might be that you have a call back audition for your dream role, your singing and acting was perfect, but they need you to do a triple pirouette, otherwise you won't get the part.
- It may be that your brother has been diagnosed Alzheimers, and the only way he remembers you as his sister, is when you show up with that teddy bear you once gave him for his 6th birthday.

To be fully engaged in this exercise, it requires that you are willing to accept the made up circumstances. With that being said, it doesn't mean you have to believe it will happen, but you need to accept them for the time, and live under the circumstances, as if they were true.
And this is where the magic happens. Because accepting your specific goal, evokes a fight with truthful feelings. - The part that isn't made up. When acting becomes real, and not just a made up.

Here is what was set up for me the last couple of times:

1.) The paper with directions -

What: A class member wrote a long page of directions for a specific place in Rio, Brazil. The paper was then torn in dozens of pieces and put on a pile in front of me on the table. My task was to stick it back together, so I could read and understand the directions.

Why did I have to do it: I was on holiday with my mum and her friend in Rio. One day, my mum got kidnapped by a Brazilian gang. They had sent me some awful pictures of my mum, where I could see her beat up face. They wrote me a letter saying that I could get my mum back, by paying an enormous amount of money. In the letter they sent the directions to the place where they kept my mum as hostage. My mum's friend who was very rich, was my only hope - but she refused to help, since she felt it was hopeless and too dangerous. To prevent me from going, she'd torn up the paper with the directions.

- My teacher threw this story at me, and instructed me to close my eyes and think about how I'd feel in this situation. Think about those pictures you saw of your mum, he said. Think about what the last thing you said to your mum was, before they violently dragged her out of your sight, he said.
..Do you have something you need to do?

Yes.
I swallowed the lump in my throat and determinedly started to match the many pieces of paper together.
It didn't go very well. The pieces were so small, but most of all I couldn't seem to gather my thoughts to just doing this freaking puzzle. Just when I felt I'd begun being focused and relaxed in this task.. the door knocked.

So I had to leave the puzzle and go and see who it was.
My scene partner stood outside, with her stupid smile "may I come in". I didn't have time for this, and I didn't need her to come in, I was in the middle of something important.
But I had to repeat her words, and start a conversation - that was the Meisner exercise.
She just kept standing outside with her bubly eyes, so eventually I just opened the door so she could come in and sit - or whatever her wish was, but to then return to my puzzle.

You look really focused, she said
I look really focused, I said
You're ignoring me (angrily)
I'm ignoring you (with an 'I really don't care tone')
You're cold!
I'm cold? (offended)

I just really need to fix this (explaining)
You just really need to fix this (understanding)
 yeah (quietly)
yeah

- How is Jasmin feeling right now, my teacher said. She got all quiet.

You look sad, my scene partner said
I look sad (sigh)
deep breath
deep breath
This is so hard, I said
This is so hard (scene partner nodding)

Yes! I got one two pieces right! (cheering up)
Yes! you got two pieces right
I am getting somewhere (hopeful)
You're getting somewhere! (supporting)
I just need to find the red line on the paper
You just need to find the red line on the paper! (and she starts looking for the red line with me)

Suddenly she's not so distracting anymore to this task, and in the moment I felt like I was finally getting somewhere.
- Until my teacher, without me knowing it, asks her to blow all the pieces away.

Absolutely shocked, I just starred at the pieces on the floor with my mouth wide open. and my arms wide out to the side
Arrh! (I screamed with my arms out to the side)
Arrh! (my partner replied)

An impulse of anger quickly rushed up my body - if I hadn't thought about controlling my reaction, I could have hit the girl and thrown her to the floor.
But the impulse stopped right around my chest, like a huge knot tying me up.
Starting a fight wouldn't help me at this point.
I took a deep breath and controlled my mind to focus on what was important at this time; collecting the pieces together once again and starting all over. But when I knelt over to the floor, to get the pieces that had fallen below my chair, the knot from my chest untied and fell out on the floor as a huge cry. And through the many tears that I had no control of whatsoever, I managed to shout to my partner

You can't just do that!
I can't just do that?
No!!! You'd just helped me!, I screamed

That feeling of betrayal seemed so enormous. But in the back of my mind, from knowing the important circumstances; the frustration and crying had come from feeling helpless in this situation with saving my mother.
Every single piece of the torn up paper, signaled how far away I was from seeing her again.

At this point I was crying so much, that I couldn't see through my eyes. So I took a deep breath and wiped them away, so I could see the pieces in front of me.

I am gonna get this done (I whispered to myself)
You are gonna get this done!, the scene partner said.

.. And then our teacher cut the scene.
WOW! He said, I definitely know which actor I would get, if I needed a strong change of reaction in a few second for a scene.

The best thing about this repetition exercise, is that the scene develops according to what happens now. You can't plan it, you've got to just let it happen.

What was fantastic about the scene was that I took myself by surprise, by all the big reactions. I didn't control anything. I just knew my case and the urgent circumstances.
But this only happened because I accepted the made up circumstances.
And as I've liked to say several times before - 'this is where the magic happens'!

I brought the pieces of the puzzle back home with me. Not having finished it, bugged me
When I got back home, I spend hours with it. I could rest, the minute I could read the directions.

Maybe I'll go there one day (apparently the directions were for a cinema in Rio!).
They hang on my wall by the door, so I am every day reminded of my will power and ability to never stop working towards my goal.
In times when I don't feel like this is me, I'll look at the puzzle, and be proud.

2.) The cut up plastic flower -
(prepared and thought through for hmw)

What:
I had cut off all the leaves of a plastic flower. My task was to sew all the leaves back on, so that it looked perfect again.

Why:
I had left a pile of papers on the living room table - sheet music for my call back audition to the role of Christine on Broadway. My youngest sister had found the papers, not realizing there were notes on them, thinking she could use them for her paper art. So when I crossed the living room, I found my sheet music cut up, colored, glued together in funny shapes and sprinkled with glitter! The sheet music was directly from the composer, so they were nowhere to be found in a nearby library, and my audition was tomorrow, so I wouldn't have time to request another pile.
Unbelievably mad at my sister for what she had done, I went to her room and found a random plastic flower on her desk (one I thought was cheap and unimportant). I went back to my sister and said teasingly: "what would you say if I did this?", and I cut up the plastic flower in front of her.
But my sister burst into tears, and my mum rushed to the room shouting "You did not just do that". Apparently, the plastic flower was of much importance. It was the most important part of her costume for her first performance on the Royal Ballet stage. A flower for her hair, which her teacher had told the children in the class to take care of - because they only had one of them for each.

- A heartbreaking story, so I knew I had to sew together the flower, even how impossible it seemed.

The scene was crazy. I was so focused on having to sew the flower together, but I kept getting interrupt. One scene partner knocked on the door. For some reason, she needed a shoulder to cry on, because she was sad about something. I didn't want to seem like a bad person, but I really didn't have time for her. I let her in anyhow, but let her know that I was busy.
She sat beside me with her puffy dog eyes, waiting for sympathy. I didn't give in, - I couldn't put down the needle. There was this task i had to do.
Apparently, she was cheered up by the 'ridiculousness' in my project.
She started laughing. You have flowers pedals all over the table.
Yes, I have flower pedals all over the table.
It's funny
It's funny? (annoyed) You don't get it
I don't get it?

And then she looked all sad again, as if I hit something precious. She was very vulnerable, but I had no idea why.
You just look so sad.
I just look so sad? (and she started tearing up)
No please don't cry!!

Just when I thought I'd met enough frustration already, there was another knock on the door (and truly and unexpected one for me as the actress, because we are usually only two people up).

By that time I had gotten the sewing thread through the plastic flower, and I was just prepared to send the next person away from the door.
But as soon as I opened the door slightly, just to see who was on the other side, the person ran inside the room, without even asking permission to enter.

hey?!
hey?
YEAH? You can't just enter without asking permission?
I can't just enter without asking permission??
No!?
No? (making fun of me)
I have something I need to do, now can you please go. Both of you.
No! (stubbornly stands still starring at me)
No? (surprised and annoyed)

Jasmin, I need you to come with me! (urgently)
You need me to come with you?
Yes, it's important.
It's important. Well I have something important. (I said, still without taking my eyes off the sewing project)

I am gonna be expelled, because you told the headmaster I stole from a shop (my partner suddenly yells)
You're gonna be expelled, because I told the headmaster you stole from a shop?? (laughing)
Yes, Jasmin!
Yes, Jasmin? that's ridiculous.

That's ridiculous?
Yes, that's ridiculous!
You don't care? (my scene partner starts to look frazzled from trying to convince me to go with her)
No, I really don't care
Are you serious you don't care that I'm gonna be expelled?

Yes, because it's not true. And I need to sew this flower together! (I said stubbornly)
AARGH! (scene partner shouts and without warning blows all the flower pedals off the table)

I got SO mad. I rushed up and pushed her all the way to the door, fought with her trying to push herself back into the room, and eventually shut the door in her face.
This is my house (I shouted), you have no right to do that!
I have no right to do that?
No!
No?
Go away!
Go away?
Just shssh!
shsh?

- I just tried to ignore her, but then when I returned to the table with the flower in my hand, the other scene partner was just sitting there laughing about the whole situation.
What you think this is funny?! (I said)
I think this is funny!
You don't get it, I really need to get this done (I said in a serious tone, while trying to settle and be focused on my project)
You really need to get this done?
I really need to get this done! (deep breath)

- And then my teacher asked me to close my eyes and imagine what would happen if my sister would show up to the show tomorrow, without the flower. Would she be dismissed? Would she be put in the very back? Would she not be considered for the next performance, because she couldn't prove being responsible for one thing?
- And think about the part she'd like to dance the most.

I couldn't bare to think about the consequences. I knew how much this performance meant to her, and I personally knew how important that feeling was.
And it would all be my fault! Cotadinha Catarina!

- Jasmin, do you have something you need to do, my teacher said.

Yes! And I opened my eyes that were now slightly misted. But I would not cry about this problem. After all, I was the big sister, - so I had to have control of the situation.
You got sad
I got sad (whispering)

- And then my teacher ended the scene!
And I was out of the Meisner exercise, and back to life.
I knew my sister is fine in real life, and I know she did brilliant in her ballet performance last week. She will shine even more in the Nutcracker this December - her first big classical production!

(Jeg elsker dig, Cata. Stor kys!)

Even though I like those circumstances a lot more than the made up ones ;).. I love Meisner!

What I loved our teacher said to us one day was this: "If you're being yourself, you can never be wrong."
That's what I love about acting.
Because you certainly can be wrong in real life.

There is a famous quote, that's painted on the elevator door at my school: 

"I love acting. It's so much more than real life." - Oscar Wilde

(The actor's elevator)

*

Monday morning 10/28:

This morning, as I walked up from the subway, I once more took a deep breath and tried to relax and focus my mind on the positive things of the day; the inspiration I met in every class - if I paid full attention, the improvement and growing I saw in myself, and not letting the devil in my mind speak; just seeing the struggles I have in mainly dance, the emotional battles I fight in my personal life, that keep being brought up in Meisner classes, the stress from not getting enough sleep, the pressure from always wanting to do my best.

And once again, I demanded myself to just embrace being here where I had always dreamed to be.
But then I thought; it's not like I thought this was gonna be easy anyway. No-one ever promised me that. There is no easy way to do it.

I know it sounds obvious. It's not like 'there is no easy way out in life' is an eyeopener. We've all been prepared for that in our childhood, right?
But do we fully believe it?
Or do we secretly but continuously search for the simple answer. Thinking we're wrong and weak if we feel like we won't get through the obstacles?

I bet that if you could all reply honestly, without judging yourself. It's something we all do.
Even if we don't doubt our strength and our faith in ourselves. No-one dives into a battle or an obstacle by choice - "yes, this is my hobby!..". No.
But I believe we learn to accept them, as we see us learning from them.

So, yes - I'm human... And every day, here in New York, I still think; 
Was this the right time?
Did I not start the most difficult career, when I was at my most vulnerable place?
Was that not stupid?
- Could I not have done it better and learnt much more by now, had I been stronger?

So I thought to myself - there is never an easy way out in life. So why should I expect to find an easier way than this.
.. sometimes I think.. - omgosh it would be so much easier if I would be happy teaching pre-school, being a swimming teacher at a sports club or waiting tables in Greenwich village.
But, I said to myself.. "that's not me".
Being an artist wasn't a choice I made, because I thought it would be the most fun way to spend my life. I never went through a list of pros and cons with 'artist', 'nurse', 'psychologist', 'chef', 'vet', 'teacher'. They are all things I could do, if I wanted to. I sometimes said for fun, "If I couldn't sing, I would be a psychologist". But it was nothing more than a joke and an interesting glare at what my life would be like then.

But I have a voice. And I have thoughts. Thoughts and opinions and feelings and needs and hopes that I need to express.

On my school essay about 'Why I want to perform', I said; Performing was not something I decided to pursue, because I thought it would be fun. It was something I felt a call to do.
And I must never forget that line.
Because it's just who I am.

I might as well realize that. And accept it.
No Jasmin, you sure didn't come to the world with easy needs!
So why would I spend time being hard on myself? Denying that's who I am?
We should be our own best friend. But we sure are too our own worst enemy.
- So we might as well choose to be good to ourselves.

And it's such an obvious and known fact that no performers have had it the easy way. Acting takes such an amount of braveness, because it's personal and vulnerable.
Sharing a story onstage is probably the most nerve wrecking thing to do... But it's also the most wonderful.

Being an artist is tough. You give your soul for the world to see, you'll be judged and .
But there's one single reason why artists survive both the inner and outer battles; because their love for art is indescribable.

..Because when they sing that high note on a spin, finish that sunset with the paintbrush, do a triple pirouette and land in arabesque, say the monologue that brings them to tears from the first line - it's probably the closest they'll ever feel to heaven.